The Brooke Schneider Show

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Hate Losing Things

2010-09-02T08:54:00.001-07:00

1) The Thought Process
Ok, let's retrace our steps. Where were you when you last had it? Who were you with? What were you wearing? What time of day was it? It is mentally draining to even think about trying to find something you lost, that its sometimes not even worth it. Ok, fine, looking for your passport, wallet or keys might be worth the effort. But it can be exhausting to strategically plan the search. And when the search is complete, its often in the middle of the night, or perhaps a conversation that we scream out "I KNOW WHERE IT IS" that we might in fact know where we lost it!

2) The Mess You Create
Ok, now that we might have an idea of where it is that we left the item we lost, the hunt begins. I know when I'm searching for something, its like a SWAT team attacked my room. Dumping bags out onto my bed, ripping apart my closets are all small prices to pay for trying to find what I lost. And I'm bound to lose something else in the mess I created!

3) Feeling Like an Idiot After
Yes, we've all had that moment. Where is my watch! I can't find my watch! Did I leave it in my bag? On the counter at home? At the store or my cousin's house? Where could it be? Oh wait--it's been on our wrist the entire time. DUH! Even if other people don't know our foolish move, we still feel stupid for getting crazed when our lost item was right in front of our face! But in the end, as long as we find what we're looking for, the whole process is worth it!

Food for Thought: Cereal

2010-08-28T15:26:00.001-07:00

To this day, I have no idea how I grew up eating cereal without milk. As soon as I tried it, the combination of the crunchy cereal and the cold milk created a meal I could now eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert.

As a kid, we ate the sugary favorites like Cocoa Puffs, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms and if you were really lucky, Cookie Crisps (my mother felt there was only so much sugar acceptable for breakfast, and a bowl of cookies was pushing it). Nowadays, it's all about eating healthy with fiber and antioxidants. So some might thing the fun of cereal is over. After all, half the fun was taking out all the marshmellows in the Lucky Charms. But there are 2 "adult" cereals I can't live without.

My recommendation? Smart Start and Special K Strawberry. And I don't just eat it, I devour it, averaging a box in less than a week, cleaing off the shelves at CVS and Walgreens like I'm on Supermarket Sweep.

I love this cereal so much, I could eat it any time of the day. But some people confuse my choice of cereal for dinner as laziness. If I had to milk a cow and bake the cereal myself, I'd still eat it. (Um, ok maybe not, as the thought of milking a cow makes me lose my appitite). But can't it be that I just love cereal? So kill me if I enjoy cereal all the time. No, don't. Then you'd be a cereal killer! Zing!

I Have a Dream...That One Day...I'll Know What the Hell My Dreams Mean

2010-08-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

As Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream..that one day...this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed..."

I don't know about you but my dreams normally include riding unicorns into Brad Pitt's home on a rainbow cloud with a leprechaun leading the way.

With the movie Inception taking over the box office, it got me thinking. If I had one dream, it would be to figure out my dreams. But let's really analyze this.

We all have plenty of dreams. Some that may foreshadow an event or perhaps some that include running from aliens in our backyard. Some that feature us as the main star or others where were an innocent observer. But the real question is, what do they mean?

I know the dreams that end right before my alarm clock means I'm a well-timed thinker. I know the dreams that get cut off by alarm clock piss me off, especially when I can't remember what my dream was about minutes after waking up. I know the dreams that scare the crap out of me in the middle of the night makes me want to believe it's still ok to jump in my mom's bed. And I know the dreams that continue in my head when I know I'm fully controlling the outcome are friggin awesome but totally don't count.

But I don't study dreams enough to know what they really mean. All I know is that it's freakishly cool to be asleep and have our minds be wide awake!

Top 3 of the Week: Things I'll Have to Get Used to Living on My Own

2010-08-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

1) Wait that cost WHAT NOW?!
Ok, fine. We're all spoiled when we live at home and don't have to pay for rent or food. And living in a city like New York where it cost $12 for a sandwich definitely makes me think peanut butter and jelly is a great alternative and home cooked meals will be missed. No but in all seriousness, we make money to spend it right? And so what if my rent is double that of most places in America and half the size, it's still worth it. Even if it comes at the expense of my expenses!

2) No One to Answer to But Me!
Yes, it's finally time to say I am Ms. Independent. Going out whenever I want? I can do that! Creating my own schedule? I can do that! Not answering to anyone? I can do that too!--although my 3 other roomies might beg to differ. But an apartment of my own definitely provides a refreshing feeling knowing that it's time to grab life by the horns and do whatever the hell I want with it!

Sometimes I felt like this is the lengths it took to get to work everyday...

3) Having so Much Time on my Hands
OK, so commuting to work was a 2-hour door-to-door triathlon every day. Driving in my car, riding the train, walking to work. Now, a mere 20-minute walk to work and I'm left with so much time I don't know what the do with it. The odd part? I am struggling to find time to write this blog since I used to take care of this task on the train!

So be prepared for some less frequent posts. After all, I'm living in the city now, so I got to live it up! And for all you naysayers who said, "how do you have time to blog," I'll now admit-- it ain't one of my top priorities! Sorry fans! I got a life to live!

*BREAKING NEWS****

2010-08-09T18:49:00.001-07:00

The Brooke Schneider Show blog is taking a brief hiatus. I'm moving into the city!!!! And certainly can't justify blogging about dreams, cereal, or any of the other topics I want to discuss when I've got massive packing to do! So I'll report back when my life gets back in order!!!

Top 3 of the Week: Why Apartment Hunting is the Worst Experience Ever

2010-08-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

1) Dealing with Brokers
Fee or no fee, dealing with brokers will make you go out of your mind. For starters, they all operate the same-- beautiful luxury building! Aka, it's a dump. Great view! Aka, it's on the 1st floor. What bothers me most though is that they get annoyed when you see apartments from other brokers. Sorry that I'm looking out for my best interest and what's available. And what IS available is all the same crap that you're all overlapping and showing me anyway.

2) The Signing Process
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe that says it all. When do you take it? When do you keep looking? When do you give up and get frustrated you just take anything? I'm indecisive as is, and living with 3 other girls is a challenge for sure. (Try finding a 4-bedroom apartment. It ain't easy.) But it's inevitable that your going to have to sacrifice something, and probably wind up paying more than you want. But at what point do you give in?

3) Actually Finding What You're Looking For
Ok. Fine. I want to live in the Taj Mahal for a dollar. Ya got me. But trying to find an apartment on a tight budget, especially in New York City, ensures that I'm going to live in a shithole. But is it so hard to ask for a couple of amenities? It is, apparently. Unless I find that genuine broker who finds me that can't miss deal that has everything I want...but that sounds as realistic as a post like this!

Fist-pump! The Jersey Shore Returns!

2010-07-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. When I think of the MTV cash cow, The Jersey Shore, I can't help but laugh. For a multitude of reasons, this surprising hit has been the talk of the town ever since we were first introduced to the poof and The Situation.

I laugh because I truly wonder if this cast of oven roasted Italians actually thinks that viewers are laughing with them, not at them. They are infamous. Snooki will define this generation of reality TV the same way that Darva Conger did in the late 90s. I can see her picture now on a TV timeline for the late 2000s.

I laugh because these characters that claim to be real can't be serious, right? Gym, tan and laundry. Laundry?! Really?! I just wrote a damn post about how annoying it is and yet The Situation feels it justifies a top 3 activity? Again, you must be kidding, right?

Baby I Like..this song, not the Jersey Shore cast profiting off of it...

I laugh at it all, while shaking my head simultaneously. What bothers me most is that these girls and guys are now making millions over being their stupid, obnoxious selves. Why didn't I invent the damn poof! I could be on my way to millions and have me my juicy men and juicy pickles just like Snooki. Shoulda woulda coulda.

But the truth is, as much as I knock this show, I can't wait to watch the trash that represents my neighboring state. And as much as I know these reality stars live in a warped tan bubble that deserves no praise or attention, I can't help but watch every minute, and laugh at it all.

Top 3 of the Week: Favorite Bar Food

2010-07-27T19:03:00.001-07:00

1) Nachos
There is no better bar food that provides the maximum amount of bites great for sharing and a variety of toppings than my guilty pleasure, nachos! I know if I go out for a happy hour with friends, that's all great and fun. But deciding to order nachos is the real excitement of the night--especially when it comes with my favorite, guacamole.

2) Boneless Buffalo Wings
I think I should move to Buffalo. Because every time I see Buffalo on a menu, my eyes and stomach gravitate towards it. With the amount of hot sauce and breading, I may feel like I might go into cardiac arrest. But I love love loveeee spicy food and as sick as I may feel after eating this crap, it tastes so damn good it's worth the pain and extra pounds. But it's definitely not worth eating the actual skin of the wings, which to this day, I can't understand. Hence, I stick with the boneless baby!

3) Sweet Potato Fries
One of the greatest news I heard was that sweet potato is actually healthier than regular potato. JACKPOT. Because this is yet another menu item I can't turn down. Why this isn't offered everywhere regular French fries are sold, I don't know. But I can eat these like they're candy. In fact, if they made a sweet potato candy, I might have to eat it. In fact, if they're going to make anything, it better be Sweet Buffalo Nachos!

Dear Brookie!

2010-07-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Brookie,

Ugh, I am having so many roommate issues I don't even know where to begin. I found her on Craig's List and it's been a nightmare. She leaves her dirty dishes in the sink, definitely eats some of my food without telling, and her guests and her hang out late at night and are so loud. I've tried to get through to her but she still does this. I don't want to break my lease but I'm seriously considering it. What do I do?

The Sarcastic Answer:
Dont break the lease. Break her dishes. That way she can't leave them dirty in the sink. And as far as your food, you should really learn to eat out more and stop stocking your fridge. When her guests come over, just start hanging out with them and act purely insane. They'll quickly find another place to hang out. She wants to play dirty with those dishes, you play dirty back, sista.

The Real Answer:
Oh Craigs List..the hits and misses are endless from that site and you clearly have a miss. It's definitely not easy living with a person like that, and often times, these people are the way they are. But you can get through to them if you go about it the right way. I've heard it all: emails, post-it notes, writing on the fog in the mirror, any way you can get their attention while also avoiding confrontation. But there's no better way to get through to your roommate than to sit her down and tell her your thoughts in the most honest way.

Try to instill some ideas for a compromise and remind her that you live in the apartment too and common areas affect both of you. By taking a more sincere approach, you might be able to get through to her. If not, then your living situation and sanity deserve better. Try finding a sublet and get out of that dirty situation!

Want to Ask Brookie a question? Email her at brookehschneider@gmail.com!

Who Doesn't LOVE DOING LAUNDRY!!!

2010-07-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

I love doing laundry!!!

I know your first reaction to that statement.

WTF?! Is she serious?

Absolutely not.

Have you ever heard anyone utter that phrase?

I sure haven't. And I sure wouldn't.

I bet you even those laundremat owners are second-guessing their career choices. Because let's be real. What is laundry if not a burden, hassle and complete and utter annoyance.

The true annoyance is when you don't own a washer or dryer, or have it in your building. If you ever played Truth or Dare, schlepping your dirty underwear outside definitely seems more like a dare and than a truth.

But however we do it, we always have a routine. Whether it's throwing everything from the wash directly to the dryer, keeping our whites, towels and linens separate, or just having our moms do it, there is one thing that's consistent: it's a damn burden.

Can''t we just pay someone to do the whole thing for us? Oh wait, a lot of people do. Why? Because being able to turn a dirty bag of clothes into a clean folded stack is worth any cost!

Top 3 of the Week: Male Stars Who Aren't As Hot As People Believe

2010-07-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

1) Justin Timberlake
Taking nothing away from how ridiculously talented he is, if I saw a guy who looked like Justin Timberlake on the street, I probably wouldn't feel compelled to turn my head. I was more of a JC fan during my N'SYNC- loving days, and have the poster, key chain and refrigerator magnet to prove it. I even remember arguing with a friend that just based on looks, Rickey Martin at the time was way more cuter than JT. Clearly, I still don't think JT brought sexy back, and clearly I'm attracted to gay men...

2) Johnny Depp
There definitely has to be a mystique or aura about Depp that I'm completely oblivious to, because I don't see how this guy gets the attention from girls as much as he does. I mean he's a great actor be it in his Pirates of the Caribbean role or any of the cooky characters he plays. But with a personality that's a little offbeat and that hair and goatee that make him kind of look like a hobo, he just isn't my type. Sorry, ladies.

3) Derek Jeter
Now this one's painful to admit after all those years of being an avid Jeter fan. But I realized what I loved about him was the intangibles he brings, his personality and what he's meant to the Yankees all these years. Not really his looks--although he does have a great smile and out of all the 3 on the list, he's definitely the best looking. But if you ask me who's better looking: A-Rod or Jeter, I have to say the pretty-green-eyed-pink-lipped Rodriguez. Which tells me that my love for Jeter has dissipated and further proves my point that I need to stop being attracted to douchbags.

Rant of the Week: Of Course This Kind of Food Tastes Good..

2010-07-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

Get PUMPED! The Rant of the Week is back and more rusty than ever!! But I'm giving what the people want! This week's topic? You'll have to watch it to find out..

Dear Brookie!

2010-07-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Brooke,

Lately I've been going out a lot with my coworkers for drinks and one particular coworker and I flirt every time we go out. We have gotten closer in the process but no one at work knows. But I've gotten to the point where I really like him and actually want him to ask me out. What should I do?

The Sarcastic Answer:
You should quit. That way you eliminate any potential office romance that's often frowned upon. And it sounds like he could be "the one." So what's more important? Your career or being with the love of your life. I think you should propose to him. If he says no, then it wasn't meant to be.

The Real Answer:
So you like this boy, huh? There's no harm in liking a coworker, so long as you're aware of the risks. Ok. Fine. There is harm. Besides the fear of rejection if you do act on your feelings, there's also that minor problem of seeing him EVERY day after and the office gossip that might ensue.
But if you got more than a playful flirting vibe, you might be on to something.

Do you have a close mutual friend at work? You can use them to help gauge his interest. Or you can take it upon yourself. Any current movie you both might be interested in seeing? Any common food you like? See how he may interact in a non-work related setting and test his interest that way.

Sounds like your not going to be so forward about your feelings towards him. After all, if you were so sure about what to do you wouldn't have asked me! So see how he reacts to these options and if he doesn't give off any signs more than just the flirting you saw when you were out with him (remember the effects of alcohol and the setting you're in) THEN I can tell you maybe it wasn't meant to be.

-Brooke

Want to ask Brookie a question on life, love and the pursuit of happiness? Just email her at brookehschneider@gmail.com!

Top 3 of the Week: Why LeBron Choosing the Heat Was the Wrong Choice

2010-07-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

Notice how Wade is in the middle...NOT LeBron...

1) He Just Wants to Win
Those were the words from LeBron James, who claimed he changed his mind (from what team, we don't know) to become the 3-headed monster (2 and a half if you count how tiny Bosh's head is) in Miami. But you see the problem is that when and if he does win with the Heat, it won't be the way Jordan or Kobe won their ring. LeBron took the easy way out to join Wade. He gave up on being the main man, the superstar, the go-to player to sell himself short. And there's no doubt in anyones mind that LeBron better get a championship in Miami otherwise his choice to become a piece of the puzzle and not the centerpiece will forever be questioned.

2) His Brand Took a Hit
Let's look at this conceptually. Already labeled The Three Kings of Bosh, Wade & LeBron and already having superstar Wade as the face of the franchise, where does that leave LeBron in the marketing plans? A-Rod is one of the biggest names on the game but the Yankees aren't his team, it's Jeter's, the captain. Every billboard, ad and promo will undoubtedly include LeBron and Wade and Bosh. So the guy who claims he can't do it alone on the court joins the 1 team in the mix who's got too many big names to promote the team off the court.

3) His Image Took a Hit
It's bad enough this whole LeBron chase, concluded by the unprecented hour-long tv special that had the country screaming "Enough about LeBron already!" And with his controversial choice after this whole 'Courting the King' process, there's a good chance he might be booed just about everywhere except Miami (and with the burning of his Cavs jersey in Cleveland, we can only imagine the reception.) I'd have more respect for him if he chose to remain in Cleveland and add some pieces to a team that was one of the best in the league. Or even join my poor Knicks, who could give him the biggest stage in the world and potential future teammate Carmelo Anthony. But joining Wade's team as Wade's piece to a championship just doesn't make sense.

Top 3 of the Week: Songs of the Summer

2010-07-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

1) California Gurls, Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg

I don't think there's any song that epitimizes "summer song" more than the bubble gum pop hit California Gurls. In what appears to be an answer to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind," Perry proves she's here to stay in the pop world. From "I Kissed a Girl" to "California Gurls" I can only imagine her next hit being "I Kissed a California Gurl."

2) Break Your Heart, Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris

Like Snoop Dogg, I think the only way for Ludacris to hit mainstream radio is to be featured in a song. I mean c'mon. I don't know how many rappers have enough moxie to want to be featured on teeny bopper hits by Jesse McCartney and Justin Bieber. But Ludacris stuck with his own genre and created a smash summer hit with the unknown Taio Cruz.

3) OMG, Usher featuring Will.I.Am

When you take a step back and realize how long Usher has been cranking out hits, it's a pretty crowning achievement that he hasn't faded into oblivion like the Ja Rules of the world. One of my favorites along with "Caught Up" Usher proves to be the most lucrative usher in the world.

Food for Thought: Lettuce

2010-07-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I want to say I love salad. And contrary to a male's belief, yes, it is enough food for dinner. But I have a lot of beef with salad, or should I say have a lot of lettuce with salad. But some people don't. Read on for clarification.

It was actually brought to my attention years ago when my brother ordered a dish at a restaurant that came with a salad to start. But my brother doesn't eat "salad," he eats tomatoes, cucumbers and olives. So instead of a typical salad, he asked for that.

What resulted was utter confusion from the waitress. "So wait, you just want tomatoes, cucumbers and olives?" Yes. But according to our salad standards, that doesn't qualify as "salad" because it doesn't contain lettuce.

Sure there are plenty of types of salads. But when where talking about using typical salad ingredients, you know, like carrots, cucumbers, celery, tomatoes, and DON'T include lettuce, well then it becomes an entirely different salad.

If you just cut up lettuce with carrots, you'd call it a salad. If you cut up celery with carrots, you'd call it veggies (or a horse's dinner). Somehow along the way, lettuce equates to a salad and without it, people like that waitress are just left confused.

So next time you eat a salad with lettuce, lett-uce remind you of the consequences.

Yes. I'm that corny.

Next food for thought?

Corn.

Now THAT'S corny.

Top 3 of the Week: Things That Are Illegal That People Do Anyway

2010-06-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

1) Fireworks on 4th of July
I find it hard to believe that a holiday that is designed to honor our country relies on one thing that isn't permitted, fireworks. I mean I get it, they're dangerous. I certainly wont go up close to them and quick frankly, the loud booms scare the shit out of me. But why make it so difficult on us Americans on the day we're celebrating the independence of our country, to purchase the key to the celebration? The irony is laughable.

2) Smoking Pot
I've said it before and will proudly say it again. I've never smoked pot and have no desire to ever try it. That doesn't mean that I judge those who do. If you were smoking crack, maybe. But some studies have even showed there are medical benefits to it (remember Montell Williams claiming it helped him through his MS?). There are even some adults who smoke it daily as a stress reliever. The only thing I'll be smoking are those gum ciggarettes I bought from the ice cream man years ago as a reminder of my youth, and how rediculously inappropriate they were for children.

3) Jaywalking
Ok, I'm not even sure where this law is really in effect, but I can tell you it ain't in New York City. In fact, I've seen people jaywalk in front of cops, which of course makes me feel like it's ok that I do it too. But can you imagine the horror of overpopulated corners filled with antsy New Yorkers waiting for that white walking man light to glow? Oh wait, we do that anyway. But the thought of having to delay our already speedy walks makes jaywalking an illegal act I gladly partake in. I know what your thinking, I'm such a rebel!

Dear Brookie!

2010-06-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Brookie,

Helppp meee! I feel like I'm stuck at a job I don't like in a field I'm not sure I want to stay in. I'm 25 and thought about going back to school but I don't even know what I'd go back for. Am I stuck?

-Sam, NYC

Sarcastic Answer:
I don't know, are you trapped in a closet? Did you lock yourself out of your car? If so, no you're not. Call AAA. They work wonders. Ohh, you meant your job? Then yes. You are stuck. Bummer, ain't it? It's ok. You're real job will be in 20 years from now when you preach to your kids 'don't make the same mistake I did.' And reminding them daily is a job in itself.

Real Answer:
Of course you're not stuck. Obviously the economy makes our options a little difficult and with that said, be thankful you have a job. You shouldn't feel like you are stuck in a career you don't want. You're too young and aren't filled with experience in a niche field that pigeonholds you. Even then, you could still change careers. The real issue is not knowing what you WANT to do.

It's so easy to find a reason to complain about a particular job. You have to dig deep and see what your actually good at (do well with numbers?) and your interests (love baseball?). Pursue a job in stats. Do you enjoy working in an office? Being around kids? Figure these things out and work from there.

Going back to school is an option, but don't do it just to further delay a decision about your career. You're young enough where you can start over and find the right path. Don't ever feel like you're stuck unless your car broke down on the highway. And look. Thanks to AAA you're not even stuck. So take the time you need to know for sure what you want and good luck!

Want to Ask Brookie a Question? All you have to do is email brookehschneider@gmail.com and her assistants will sort through the fan mail and select the best question for next week!

When Sarcasm Can Kill!

2010-06-23T17:18:00.001-07:00

Sarcasm can kill.

Of course I'm being sarcastic when I say that..or AM I?

For those that know me, you're pretty aware that sarcasm is in my blood. And too much blood exposed can kill you. Again, that's sarcasm, albiet a weak attempt, but sarcasm nontheless.

But am I too sarcastic? Many times it's very hard for those like myself who use sarcasm to tone it down. And considering half the time I can't even tell if I'm being sarcastic, that might be a sign. But life's too short not to find the humor in it. After all, you might as well call this blog The Sarcasm Show.

A lot of times I can't help but joke about an obnoxious stranger, a funny cashier or the irony of a situation. I'm telling you, it's so much more fun to acknowledge these things than to just let it go! You should try it sometime.

But I say sarcasm can kill when of course people don't understand that I'm joking or it doesn't translate well through a medium like texting or online. Without hearing a tone, it's hard to find things funny. And thus hard to get my humor. And that's unfortunate on many levels.

Whether it's with new friends or new prospective boys, coworkers or family, sometimes I just have to be careful with my sarcasm because it just might be too much to handle. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop using it.

And heck, if you find this blog funny than maybe like Goldie Lock's pourage, my level of sarcasm is just righhtttt. Now that was a bad joke. Damn it. Well I never said my humor is always spot on but it's always worth trying, right?!

Top 3 of the Week: Why LeBron James Should Sign with the Knicks

2010-06-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

1) Because Whoopi Goldberg, Donald Trump and Chris Rock Said So
So the Knicks are putting on a full court press to lure LeBron, and have already publicized their efforts to recruit the star with stars of their own. I can only imagine how LeBron's decision will rest on Whoopi Goldberg's sales pitch. If New York is proving anything in this process, it's that the city offers fame off the court, too. He is good buddies with the Yanks CC Sabathia and Jay-Z and if they have any say in it, well, they already said they're not going to pull a Trump and push for him to sign with the Knicks or Jay-Z's Nets. So much for friends helping their other New York friends out...

2) Because He Would Be The King Here
As opposed to going to Chicago or staying in Cleveland, the King can only truly be a King if he's in New York, according to some. Psssh. Endorsers have already said he'll make millions regardless of where he goes and not necessarily any more by being in the Big Apple. And knowing that only the Cavs can pay him the largest contract, he may actually lose money in the move. But I'll tell you this, if the guy craves a falafel at 3 am, doesn't mind the smell of urine on the sidewalk and the herds of people commuting to and from Penn Station on his way to the Garden, then New York might be your match, LeBron.

3) Because He's The Missing Piece to a Championship
Oh, Knickerbockers. Before you laugh at the Knicks roster and their team history, this is no joke. GM Donnie Walsh positioned this team as such so that when this anticipated summer of 2010 came with a slew of high-caliber impending free agents, the Knicks would be in the mix. They're finally under the salary cap and can afford not only LeBron but ANOTHER big free agent (Chris Bosh anyone?). And let's be real. Look how it took only a couple of moves for the Celtics (Garnett & Allen) for them to be champs after that offseason. So I do buy the argument that the Knicks would be automatic contenders if LeBron signed. But does he really want a bite of the Big Apple? We'll soon find out! Get to work, Whoopi!

Dear Brookie!

2010-06-16T14:36:00.001-07:00

Dear Brookie,

Lately I've been trying to lose weight but it's getting so frustrating. I try to work out and eat right but when I step on the scale and see no change, I lose hope and finding myself chomping on chips and cookies out of anger. Am I a lost cause? Will I ever lose weight and not lose my mind in the process?

Sarcastic Answer:
Well if you're going to lose anything in this process it better be your belly fat, not your mind. Have you tried sticking your finger down your throat? I hear that makes people skinny. Either that, or go full out obese and try to get on The Biggest Loser. That way you can eat all the chips and cookies you want AND make money AND get famous! Then you can lose it all again and get to stand on that awesome giant scale. I think it's worth considering weighing the pros and cons. Then weigh yourself. It may help your decision.

Real Answer:
All right. It sounds to me your the type of person that likes high-speed Internet, instant coffee and the express line at the supermarket (ok fine, who doesn't). But you seem so antsy when it comes to this 'process.' Have patience!! Depending on your age and weight, you're not going to lose weight so easily. Plus, you do realize that even if you don't see a difference on the scale, you're still doing your body good by getting your heart rate up in workouts and eating healthy. So don't get discouraged, and certainly don't negate all your hard work on the treadmill for a bag of greasy potato chips. Let this 'process' play out and don't worry about that scale so much. Keep doing what your doing and you WILL see a difference! And save stepping on the scale all the time for The Biggest Loser.

-Brooke

Want to ask Brookie a question??? Email her at brookehschneider@gmail.com and you'll get answers! Yes, that's plural, because one answer is the sarcastic one, the next is the REAL one!

Top 3 of the Week: Types of Dancers

2010-06-15T17:15:00.000-07:00

1) Those Who Know What They're Doing
Confidence is key when it comes to dancing, but so is professional training. I wish I could kick it like the Rockettes or tell people I made it to the 2nd round of So You Think You Can Dance, but it's not in the cards. For those who take their skills to the dance floor of a bar, club, wedding or party, I can't help but be envious of your moves, and I'm sorry if you catch me staring or initiating a circle around you. Guys, if you know how to dance without being drunk, that's a plus, but also potentially intimidating. Ladies, you know there's nothing better than a night out with the girls...that is until that creepy guy tries to dance with you...I'll save that for another blog post...

2) Those Who Don't Know What They're Doing
When I was a tall gawky teenager growing up, I was so self-conscious about my height and that everyone could see me on the dance floor that I did the most minimal dance moves possible. (Which meant planting my feet on the ground and doing the same arm motion continuously). So it may have looked like I didn't know what I was doing when in fact, I didn't try. But for those who full out can't locate the beat and somehow believe their moves are attractive and appropriate, I wonder what is worse. All I know is if those folks are looking for attention, they're getting it. And if they're not, they are as clueless when it comes to their social awareness as they are their dance moves!

3) Those Who Pretend They Know What They're Doing
I think in some odd way, I fall into each one of these types of dancers as my dance skills have improved through the years. But it's this category I'm most proud of. If you're out there having a great time but maybe looking like a fool, who really cares what people think? The crazy part is if you're like me, you don't even need to be drunk to do it, too. And maybe I won't ever be on So You Think You Can Dance but I certainly won't be that passive girl on the dance floor again, either. There's no shame in doing whatever dance you want as long as you own it!!!

Rant of the Week: Why I Learned I Can't Buy Clothes Online

2010-06-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCING....Dear Brookie!!!!

2010-06-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Brookie,

So why are you starting an advice column. Don't you have better things to do?
-My Mom

Great question, Mom. And knowing how much you love my snarky responses, I've got an answer for you. I've always been particularly good at giving advice, according to multiple sources like teddy bears, mirrors and those who don't speak English. Maybe it's my realist attitude, great sense of social awareness or my knack for street smarts. Or maybe it's my modesty. But why not help those in need? Now I'm no doctor mom, I'll save that for my future husband like you wish. But I sure as hell can take a stab at it, right? So why pay $3.95 an issue for Cosmo or hundreds of dollars to lie on a couch when you can click on this blog for free? My first advice is to believe in the product and you will see instant results or your money back guaranteed! Oh, yeah it's free. Well if it hits it off, maybe I'll start charging so get it for free while you can!

-Brooke

So that's right. Every so often (well we'll see how often it'll be based on the questions received), I'm going to feature Dear Brookie, an advice column on anything ranging from dating to health and fitness, career and all things random. So yes, no question is off limits. The stupid ones just won't be used.

So email your questions to brookehschneider@gmail.com about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. And let's see how this baby works!

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Hate Driving

2010-06-07T12:29:00.001-07:00

1) Maintenance
Maybe I'm bitter since I just dropped $200 on fixing a part, but if youre like me, we assume our car is supposed to do it's job--no questions asked. When it doesn't is when we realize how grateful we are to have something that can get us from point A to point B. Regardless, the constant maintenance makes me think it's easier to just take a bus or train. (or maybe not...)

2) Having Control
Sometimes the beauty of travelling is being forced to sit and do nothing (for those always-active folks like myself). So when I'm forced to keep my eyes on the road, be behind the wheel in bumper to bumper traffic, or deal with those daily Sunday drivers, it's not as enjoyable as reading a magazine, listening to my iPod and dozing off. Sure it can be relaxing sometimes, but only when you're the only car on the road!

3) Having No Control
Its actually a scary thought that no matter how good of a driver you are, you're still sharing the road with those who are not, including those aforementioned Sunday drivers, those who just took their road test, those who haven't taken one in 50 years and those who will even admit they miraculously passed. (hey, even though I'm not a huge fan, I'm still a good driver). We've all heard tragic stories, but the real tragedy of the day is the loss of my converter which was attached to my muffler and was apparently cut off and stolen! Talk about having no control of a situation! Argh..damn you cars!!

Movie Review: Can Never Have Enough Sex..and the City

2010-06-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

So to put it eloquently, if you have a vagina, you were at the theater seeing Sex and the City 2 this weekend. If you didn't go, you have every intention of seeing it this week.

Whether you're 15, 25, 35, 45, 55, 65, or almost dead, you couldn't wait to watch the gals get together again on the big screen. But you shouldn't get "Carrie-d" away with the reviews, and yes, that pun was intended just like the many in the film.

So maybe the plot won't garner the film an Academy Award, but who cares! I got 4 words for you: Carrie. Miranda. Charlotte. Samantha. That's all you need. Just let the characters be themselves and you have a movie I'd run to see multiple times before you find me spending money on another film.

So what if the characters are getting old, and I mean in the literal sense, as Samantha tries to defy menopause, Charlotte tackles motherhood, Miranda mulls changing jobs and Carrie attempts to spice up a settled life of marriage. So maybe this time the girls don't hit up the New York City life like they were known for (about only 20 minutes of the film was in NYC), but they tackle every day issues we'll all be dealing with. (including a husband who might think a TV in the bedroom is a good idea.)

Oddly enough, for a movie that touches on real-life issues, they do it in the most unrealistic way possible-in thousand dollar couture. But isn't that part of the fun of watching it? With puns on top of puns, the writing, which has always been a strength is right on target if you can handle the quantity (classic scene with Charlotte- "You have a camel camel-toe").

But while the critics will continue to pan the film, let's be real here. How often do romantic comedies get good reviews? Rarely. So I say forget what the critics say. Forget if you have a vagina or not. Go see this film and remind yourself that Sex [and the City] no matter your own sex or age, is always pure entertainment.

Top 3 of the Week: Why Every Weekend Should Be a 3-Day Weekend

2010-05-31T17:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, let's be real here. How many of us love life after this Memorial Day weekend? With 3 days off, it got me thinking every weekend should be a 3-day weekend! Here's why; because we need:

1) 1 Day to Run Errands
Whether it's running to the bank, shopping for groceries, buying some new shoes or stopping by the post office, running errands could take up a good chunk of the day. But there's nothing more satisfying than crossing off these tasks on our imaginary to-do list. With that said though, the amount of time it takes for us to be productive on the weekends means we're still kind of on the job, albeit a job for our personal life!

2) 1 Day to Clean
This I seldom take care of as much as I should. Sure, when you live in a small room like I do, not putting a few things back means your room looks like a mess. But I always wonder when I'll get a chance to clean out my closets and get rid of things I don't need/use anymore. But it's not really on the top of my to-do list like errands, so I normally don't want to find the time to do it!

3) 1 Day to Relax
If this weekend proved anything, it's that relaxing outdoors in the sun, hanging with friends and family, and doing anything to take our minds off work and any other task we need to accomplish is more than welcomed. Sometimes we're just too busy to get a chance to do that, which is why a 3-day weekend is needed to get ready for the work week. And no matter how much you love your job, the only thing better than a 3-day weekend is the 4-day work week that follows!

Top 3: Reasons Why I Love Weddings!!!

2010-05-24T17:39:00.000-07:00

This Sunday, my cousin is getting married, which means 200 others and myself get to enjoy the day-long partayy!

1) Dressing Fancy, Then Stuffing My Face With Food
Now considering I'm a enduring a week-long fasting so that I can just zip up my slightly tight dress, the wedding food is going to taste that much better after the lettuce I'm eating these next few days. But I do love putting on a cute dress, seeing guys all handsome in their suits and tuxes and chowing down on hors devours and a five-course meal. The only question is whether I can then UNZIP my dress after my feast!

2) Everybody Out On The Dancefloor!
Ok, I've been to a decent amount of weddings, but being Jewish and growing up in a pretty big Jewish town, I've also been to my share of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. And as much as I find the game Coke and Pepsi enlightening entertainment, thank god 13-yr-olds do not overtake the dance floor at weddings. DJs or bands, it's bound to be a fun time, whether you're out dancing yourself, or making fun of your family's dance moves.

3) 2 Words- Open. Bar.
And I'm not even a big drinker! But knowing that the option is there to cut loose with family and friends is awfully tempting. Hmm, let's try this new drink, Nope, not a fan. Can you make this one for me? Awesome, thanks. If not for me to take advantage, it's also great to see people drunk who you wouldn't expect (I'm talking about you, Grandma!) and then see them bust-a-move on the dance floor!

Brooke's Best & Worst City to Date

2010-05-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

BEST: New York City
With so many options, what could be bad? NYC is the most diverse city in the world and with so much to do from eating at the best restaurants and bars to museums, Broadway shows and walks in Central Park that there are plenty of options for a date. (I went to college in Binghamton. I'm sorry but walking up and down the aisles of Walmart does not qualify as a date.) In a city so diverse, there's bound to be the type of guy/girl you're looking for to date, from the douchy finance guys to struggling musicians to anorexic models, you should be able to find the person of your dreams here!

WORST: New York City
With so many options, what could be bad? Having so many options could be. There's over 10 million people living in NYC. So why settle for medicrity? With hundreds of bars and clubs to scope around, this city is too damn fun to be single in. And that's how people stay. If you're like most people who's ultimate goal is to not just date but find a husband or wife, be prepared for that not to happen until you're at least 30. People are just too tempted by the perks of singlehood.

And why wouldn't they be. Isn't it the best city to date? Or is it? Hmm...

Top 3 of the Week: Shows to Watch This Summer

2010-05-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

1) Bethany Getting Married
If you have ever watched the Real Housewives of New York City, you know that Bethany could possibly be the funniest reality star on television. So it's only fitting Bravo handed her her own show. Bethany, who will be planning her wedding and the pregnancy of her baby, always says a witty line to make fun of a catfight between the other ladies or any situation she's in. If you're a reality TV junkie, and love to laugh too, you must watch Bethany and ever ounce of airtime she deserves on Bravo.

2) Hard Knocks
I'll admit, not many people will go from suggesting Bethany Getting Married to Hard Knocks, an HBO documentary series that follows the New York Jets in training camp. But even though I might have some New York bias, this show is not just going to be entertaining but interesting too. HBO takes you behind the scenes at a camp that includes: Coach Rex Ryan, who has the largest personality to match the largest gut in the NFL, the sexy quarterback Mark Sanchez in his sophmore season, plus big-name additions like Jason Taylor and LaDanian Tomlinson. Football fans or not, there's plenty going on with a team one game away from the Super Bowl last year to make this show a bonafide hit.

3) Last Comic Standing
I don't think there's any show that has gone through more format changes, hosts and cancellations than Last Comic Standing, yet here it is again on air (thanks to the pitiful programming options NBC has to chose from). But who doesn't like to laugh? So a show whose purpose is to get you to chuckle should be funny. In the past, it was more humorous to see the comedians living together and the on-camera interviews that followed more than their stand-up routine (a la Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D List). But any show that can get you to laugh is a show worth watching in my book!

Heck, if Bethany and Rex Ryan could compete on Last Comic Standing, we'd only have to watch ONE show this summer!

Rant of the Week: Which "Scientific Study" Do I Believe?!

2010-05-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

Why Am I Always So Tired?

2010-05-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

The other day I was reading my Cosmo magazine as I was falling asleep on the train. I flipped the page to an article titled "Why Am I Always Tired?" I would have read it but I fell asleep. But after my nap, I wondered why this statement is so true.

Why am I, in fact, always tired?

It's tough to analyze. After all, we pretty much can't win. When we're so tired we sleep longer, but apparently there's this thing called too long, and we get more tired in the process. Sounds confusing? I know. I'm tired just thinking about it.

So then we have nights where we get less sleep than our normal schedule. So we try to catch up on Zz's over the weekend, but apparently there's no such thing as 'catching up on sleep.' Who made these damn rules!

So we essentially can't win. Unless we just so happen to sleep the perfect amount which doesnt happen often. Although I will admit I've had the occasional jump-out-of-bed-like-I'm-in-a-musical-excitement, that's rare. I don't know about you, but no coffee or energy drink can fix my daytime sleepyness. Like I've said before, I think we all deserve a siesta. With the pressures at our jobs, social lives to keep our sanity, and blogs to keep our fans entertained (oh is that just me?..) who really has time to sleep?

I'll tell you who. Babies and my grandpa. And unless we're Benjamin Button, looks like we'll just have to live our busy lives yawning our way through it before we sleep all day like my gramps!

Top 3 of the Week: Things We Say But Don't Really Mean

2010-05-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

1) "Aww Cute!"
Whether it's looking at a baby or a friends new love interest, that is our default response whether we truely believe it or not. (Is anyone else tempted to say wow...that is one UNATTRACTIVE human being.) For our friend's significant others, we want to make them feel like we approve (until after they break up when we can admit they were never good-looking anyway.) For babies, sometimes they're so ugly, its actually cute. Whether it's looking at a photo or staring into their eyes for the 1st time we're startled by-- by how cute they are, of course.

2) "That's Funny..."
...no, if it were funny I'd be laughing. But it's not, not funny at all. But because I don't know how else to respond to your lame attempt at humor, "that's funny" is all I got. If "that's funny" is also coupled with a sissy laugh, then you've truly mastered the forced responses that make small talk conversations so damn delightful!

3) "Sure I'll Tell Them You Said Hi"
While our intentions are always good, we never seem to follow through with that request. Because let's be real. It's not meant to really elicit a response but rather, it's sole purpose is to acknowledge those not present. "Oh, Jane, I bumped into your teacher from high school at the store. She said hi." What is Jane supposed to say other than "that's funny...how cute." Which we now know doesn't really mean anything anyway!

Are you tired of Informercials? Then read this for FREE!

2010-05-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of the same lousy infomercials?
(Nodding yes)

Are you convinced these products are over the top and don't really work?
Uh huh.

Do you constantly tell yourself who buys this crap anyway?
You bet!

Well now you don't have to!
(perplexed look)

With these cheesy infomercials, you could actually appreciate them more if you take them less seriously and enjoy the poor acting and staged situations!

I never realized how fun infomercials could be until I started to see them more as comedies and less as sales pitches. -Testimonial

I tried a lot of infomercials and wasted money AND time without getting results. With this new approach, I haven't missed an infomercial yet! - Testimonial

You heard it here first folks! Watching infomercials is not just entertaining, they're laughable! So what are you waiting for? If you watch an infomercial within the next 5 minutes we'll throw in a free Snuggie!
Yup, that's right. Free!

You didn't realize you'd be convinced so fast! Finally fast. Finally Fast.com!

Top 3 of th Week: Annoying Things About Public Transportation

2010-05-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

1) The 'Public' Part
Yes, the worst part about public transportation is the actual public. Loud obnoxious (and potentially drunk people at night) might sound mildly entertaining to some. But after a long day at work or night out, the last thing I need to hear is you hourlong fight with your boyfriend, how your ready to pick a fight with the drunk guys next to you, or your loud phone call with a friend. Did I mention the sad story beggers and the creepy folks who want to start up a convo? Hiding behind my iPod can only do so much.

2) Delays
Sometimes I really don't mind commuting when I'm not in control. I can sleep, and read, text and write this blog with ease (Yes, roughly 100% of this blog was written on my iTouch notepad on the train). But the minute there are delays (Note to suicidal pedestrians: If you're going to jump in front of a train please keep in mind all those, not just your friends and family who are affected) I wonder why I didn't just drive myself. But there's nothing we can really do when were not in control, so coming into work late or not being at an outing on time is not really our fault.

3) It's Their Time Schedule, Not Mine
I think one of the reasons I walk so fast in NYC is that I'm used to rushing, for a train that is. I know that when I leave work or head home after a night out with friends, I only have X amount of time to get there, otherwise I'm going to miss my train and thus there would be no point in rushing. Maybe this will end when I eventually no longer take the train to work, but dealing with the crazy public, especially in NYC, wont go away. And while it makes for a painful commute, I do have to say its somewhat of an entertaining ride!

Rant of the Week: Heels are Never Comfortable, Right Ladies?!

2010-05-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

Top 3 of th Week: Movies To Look Forward To This Summer

2010-04-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

1) Sex and the City 2
The girls are baaack. May 27th is sure to be a national 'Girls Night Out' when the film hits the box office. For a non-moviegoer like myself, this is one movie that warrents a $12 ticket. Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda return bigger and better--wardrobes that is. (a trip to the Middle East warrents some unique fashion statements.) And you didn't expect Big and Carrie to live happily ever after, did you? 2 words: Aiden returns.

2) Iron Man 2
Another anticipated summer blockbuster sequel? SHOCKER! I'm not even sure if I remember liking the 1st one, but what I do remember is how friggin awesome Robert Downey Jr. is. One of the few actors who comes across so suave, he definitely holds the title for the most bad-ass, likable and charming superhero in any of the current "Man" clan.

3) Eat, Pray, Love
Wow. You know its a sign that I had to stretch to find this as my 3rd movie that I'm not a fan of most films. But as sappy as a chick flick as this looks like, Julie Roberts as the lead always screams potential. Based on the popular novel, Eat, Pray, Love stars Roberts as a woman who had it all but still finds the need to search for more in life. Javier Barden plays his Vicky Christina Barcelona love interest. Is it really worthy of a top 3? Considering I didn't even read the book, probably not...o well. It cracks the Top 3 anyway!

Rant of the Week: Why Are We Foolish and Don't Put Sunscreen On!

2010-04-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Top 3 of the Week: Animals That Freak Me Out!

2010-04-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

1) Pigeon
Is there any other everyday animal that could care less about us humans? The fact that pigeons seem so unfazed by our nearness to them isn't the part that freaks me out. It's the fact that I get so close to THEM because they don't move! Mind you, I'm also worried they'll crap on my head when I walk, but I expect them to fly away when I stroll by. And when they don't, I really wonder what kind of character trait these birds have to give a rats a$$ about our proximity. Speaking of rats, I wonder if they would even be fazed by them!

2) Monkeys
They are adorably cute..but also freakishly human-like, no? When I went to the Bronx Zoo a few years ago, I watched as one chimpanzee cleaned off the tail of another. The monkey being cleaned turned around and nodded his head in approval as if to say, keep up the good work. I know humans originally stem from monkeys but I almost feel like I can read their minds which may seem cool. But the fact that I feel like they can read mine freaks me out. It's none of their damn 'monkey' business.

3) Insects
I know, I know. We're so much bigger than them. Why are we afraid? Well as most guys would like to believe, size doesn't matter. I'm scared of bugs because they normally pop up when I don't expect to see them. Like on a living room wall or buzzing in my face when I'm outside. (ok fine..perhaps I should expect to see bugs when outdoors.) Or maybe it all began 15 years ago when I open my drawer in my room and a cricket jumps out. No wonder I'm traumatized by these little creepy crawlers!

Drive Thru - The True Sign of American Laziness

2010-04-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

The other night I was out with a friend and remembered I was low on milk at home. Ughh. Who wants to go to the supermarket just for milk, I thought. (Especially when it strategically placed allllll the way in the back of the store). And then I realized the greatest store invented was just down the block.

Dairy Barn- a drive thru convenience store.

OK, I don't mean literally drive through...

Is there any other store that depicts the true American laziness then Dairy Barn? I instantly felt like a bum when I got so excited I didn't even need to leave my car. But wait--I can get my milk AND my change simultaneously too without prolonging my already-convenienced shopping? Jackpot.

But Dairy Barn isn't the only place where we customers revel in the feature of convenience. Who wants to deal with the hassle of getting out of our cars to deposit a check when we can drive right on through and do it with ease. (Ok, maybe not win ease, as depending on the height of our car and length of our arms it might actually be more challenging than you think.) and what about getting our fast food even FASTER through the drive thru before the grease even settles on our fries.

What we don't realize is that it might actually be even faster if we get our lazy tooshies out of the car and go inside a bank or fast food restaurant to get what we need done. Heck, we'll wait in a line in our car for hours if it means not having to unnecessarily get out of it. But that's a risk we're willing to take!

Top 3 of the Week: Why You Need to Join the "Glee" Club!

2010-04-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

Finally, FOX's hit show returns this week. I don't know about you but I'm filled with "Glee" that it's returning. I know, that was corny. But contrary to popular believe, the real "Glee" isn't.

1) The Musical Performances
Few shows in the past have attempted to feature musical numbers. Any show that has, has failed miserably. As a fan of Broadway, its refreshing to find a show that can mix the perfect amount of theatrical performance and make it current without making it forced. Get ready for a full episode of Madonna covers, and KISS, Springsteen and Lady Gaga songs featured on the show. Let's see if it can top the popular number, "Don't Stop Believing."

2) Jane Lynch
A comedic genius. You may remember her from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, or her role in underrated Best in Show. But there is not one line that this woman delivers that doesn't make you want to laugh. Lynch plays Sue Sylvester, the hardnosed antagonist who will stop at nothing, and really at times for no reason other than the sheer joy it brings to her, to take down the Glee club (a threat to her cheer squad, the "Cheerios"). A scene-stealer for sure, Lynch alone should convince you non-musical loving fans to tune in.

3) The Upcoming Guests
The beauty of having a hit show that melds TV and music is that everyone wants a part of it. Already having featured Eve and Kristen Chenowith, who's returning again along with her Wicked co-star Idina Menzel. Neil Patrick Harris and Molly Shannon stop by for a few episodes, with Shannon going head to head with Sue. If you love music, comedy and a quality storyline, it's time to join the club and start watching Glee!

Top 3 of th Week: Things to Think About When Showering

2010-04-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

We all hear that some of our best thoughts come in the shower but sometimes we think so much about other things, we forget why were even there to begin with (we smell, remember now?) so here are some thoughts we may have when we're scrub a dub dubbing!

1) Stepping Into A Shower That's Not Our Own
This is always a test, both of our intelligence and common sense. We strip down and are now ready to enter the unknown. Our 1st challenge. Figuring out how the knobs work. Hot is to the right or left? How do we turn the drain off? Oh wait! We're getting warmer..getting warmer...got it! Then we have to deal with the change in water pressure, different shampoos and soaps. And that's not a good feeling. To be naked in an unknown area is never comforting, even if it's a place we're supposed to be naked!

2) Shampoo & Conditioning..& Conditioning?
So remember when I said we tend to daydream in the shower? Or were you daydreaming when I said that. Depending if your a morning showerer or night showerer (I prefer sleeping later and getting in bed clean) you're bound to be exhausted at times. And if you're like me, you might forget if you already conditioned your hair. (Wait a minute...I thought I remember picking up the white bottle..) until it's too late. As soon as it's in you realize you did in fact put it in. With too much conditioner, you wonder if you've done permanent damage to your hair.

3) I Don't Want To Come Out
When I was a kid I dreaded taking the time showering and delayed it when I could. (Ok wait a minute. By 'delayed' I mean like later that night, not 'not at all') But somehow, once I got in one, I never wanted to come out. It would only be when we'd run our of hot water would I finally exit. (Which by the way has to be one of the most depressing moments..especially when you have to wash out the rest of your conditioner while shivering). So I've grown to embrace showering and the end results. And I think as long as we do it right and leave a cleaner person than how we entered, then we've done our job, whether we paid attention to the process or not!

Rant of the Week: Dress to Impress or Dress for Ourselves?

2010-04-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

Top 3 of the Week: Annoying Things About Eating Out

2010-03-31T16:42:00.000-07:00

1) What to Order
Does anyone else have as much trouble with this as I do? If ordering the crabcakes instead of the T-bone steak and regretting it is a microcosm of my life, than that explains why I'm still single. The complications ensue when restaurants vary dishes slightly and its our job to decipher it (wait..the only difference is that this one comes with guacamole!) or when the menu is an actual book where you actually flip pages (thank you cheesecake factory and local diners).

2) Poor Service
Now I was never in the waiting business, so I can't say I know from experience, but it isn't hard to learn some proper manners. I don't care if it's Applebees-- when one person is still eating, don't clear away the other persons plate. When my glass of water has been empty for a half hour, please come fill it. And when I ask for something please remember to bring it out without having to remind you twice.

3) Splitting the Check
We've all been there before. Whether it's a date, a dinner with family or with friends, some awkwardness can ensue when the check arrives. Some people prefer splitting the bill halfway in which case I say screw you for ordering the lobster and wine while I sipped on ice water with my Caesar salad. Even figuring out the tip and eating out with a large group is too much of a headache sometimes. I don't know about you but eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich on my couch can be just as nice!

Rant of the Week: Fantasy Sports Ain't For Me..

2010-03-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

Automated Customer Service: I HATE YOU.

2010-03-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

What you are about to read is a true story between a customer and a frigging automated machine.

Welcome to our customer service line. Before we begin, I'd like to ask you a series of questions. How long have you had this product?
2 weeks.
I'm sorry. Did you say...3 weeks?
2... WEEKS.
I'm sorry. Did you say...2 years?
Oh my god I hate you.
I'm sorry. I didn't understand you.
Ahhhhh! [Pressing 0. Pressing 0.]
Ok. We will connect you with a customer service representative.
[2 minutes go by]
I'm sorry. We are experiencing a high volume of calls. Please try again later. Goodbye. *CLICK*

WHAT THE $@%#!!!!!!!

Am I the only one who wants to stick a knife in my eye when I deal with these automated machines?? Now I consider myself pretty technologically savvy. I mean, after all, at age 24, it's my generation that should be able to handle it, right? Wrong. I'm even getting worked up right now writing this when I think about how frustrating it is! Argh!!!

But we can't argue that it's a sign of the times. Look at the movie Up In The Air. Human interaction becomes secondary when computerizing business is a cheaper alternative. So where does this leave us?

Well today, we're left with either suffering through automated machines or speaking to a rep that's been outsourced from overseas. Either way, they're not going to understand the English coming out of our mouths!

So what are we to do?

To do our best to avoid calling customer service, press 1.
To make sure you take blood pressure medicine before you call and have a warm bath waiting for you after, press 2.
To stick it out every time with the hope someone, eventually, for the life of you, can solve your issue, please stay on the line, and a customer representative will be with you shortly. And by shortly...we mean a half hour, that is if we don't hang up on you before...thank you for your patience.

Top 3 of the Week: Actresses Who I Want to Be Friends With

2010-03-21T18:08:00.001-07:00

1) Sandra Bullock
I don't think there's any actress who seems more approachable with a greater sense of humor than the newest Oscar-winning star, Sandra Bullock. Every interview she's done makes her sound real, grateful, and sarcastic about her success. But ugh, the poor woman. Just as her career was beginning to reach it's apex her mismatch of a husband, the sleezy-tatooed Jesse James, had to cheat on what actually resembles a tatooed cheetah. (have you seen pictures of this woman?) She deserved a better man before this (I saw James on Celebrity Apprentice-he's as odd as they come.), and with these recent news, it looks like Sandra needs a friend now more than ever!

2) Kate Winslet
There are some people, men or women, who, let's be frank, grow up ugly. (I've already burned childhood photos of my tomboy days.) Well Kate would be the first to admit that she was heading down the wrong "Revolutionary" road. And now she's blossomed into one of the more naturally beautiful woman in Hollywood. Recently, she too had to witness her husband having relations with another woman during their marriage. Talk about a sinking ship. But time and time AND time again, she proves just how important natural ability is, whether it's on the big screen or on the red carpet!

3) Sarah Jessica Parker
Now I've been pretty mean to SJP through the years, as whenever I think about Hollywood stars who are only pretty thanks to stylists, and makeup artists, Sarah is the first person to pop into mind. I wonder if I think of Carrie Bradshaw more than I do Sarah Jessica Parker when I see her, but there is something appealing about her. Maybe it's that adorably bubbly Kristen Chenoweth quality she has in interviews, but whatever it is, she helps round out my Top 3 of women who prove you don't have to act superficial to act in Hollywood!

American Idol..more like American Idle

2010-03-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

As you may remember from my post last year, (actually I hope u don't remember, I hope you have more important things filling your brain- but if you forgot here it is) I'm a loyal fan of American Idol. But this season is missing something. And I'm not even referring to Paula Abdul.

In fact, I barely even notice she's been gone. While Ellen hasn't been as funny as I expected (most of her critiques don't generate laughter) she actually gives some decent feedback. So much so that even Simon agrees with her. But I do think, too, that Kara has comfortably come into her own as a judge. So no, the absence of Paula isn't the problem.
It's the absent of talent.

Sure I still believe that when it's all said and done this seasons winner could rival any of the past title holders. And my money is on Big Mike for his feel- good story, fun personality and the pipes to match it all. But what's missing this year is the depth of talent and the varied singers present. There's no wannabe rocker like Chris Daughtry or Allison Iraheta. There's no future pop star written all over them like Jordin Sparks or Kelly Clarkson. At this rate they're going to run out of Jason Mraz and Duffy songs to cover!

But I wonder, if the early favorite Crystal Bowersox wins, would her songs be mainstream enough for the radio? I think not. (See past winners Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard). Even Mike might have trouble getting airtime on the Top 40 stations.

Every year we wonder if the talent is still out there. And if you've watched this season, you've gotten a sense whether the judges really believe it's there either after constantly criticizing contestants for choosing the wrong song, not making it their own, making it too much of their own or just plain not singing well. But there is still talent on American Idol this season. It's next season that's going to suffer when the true talent, Simon Cowell, leaves!

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Will Never Smoke Cigarettes

2010-03-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

All the cool kids are doing it, right?
Guess I'll never be cool.

1) It Smells

Now besides the side effects of breathing in second-hand smoke, I can't handle the stench on my clothes or hair when I get back from a night out, and I certainly can't handle chatting with someone whose breathe stinks. And with that said, there's no way I can date someone who smokes either. Now I don't judge others for smoking, but I seriously question how anyone could be ok with that smell.

2) It Gets Expensive

So depending on your rate of inhaling, you could be spending a good chunk of your weekly paycheck on packs of cigarettes. (And a chunk of your time standing outside your office for your cigarette breaks, which to some, the excuse for a break is appealing in itself). Obviously, the addiction means we're not talking about a one-time purchase here. So figure out how much money is spent a year on cigarettes, you could go on a vacation with that money!

3) Oh, Yeah..it KILLS YOU.

OK, so let's refresh: you are paying to smell like and inhale smoke and for what? Positive health reasons? NO, no. Even if it was healthy, I don't think I'd find it worth it. But the fact that it actually KILLS YOU makes me really wonder. What is the appeal?!

What I Like to Call: 'The Name Shame'

2010-03-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

In 2nd grade, I met this girl named Lindsey*. (*Name has been changed so as not to offend the real name, Rachel..oops.) Lindsey was one of the most obnoxious and annoying girls I ever met. From that point on, every Rachel--I mean Lindsey--I met was automatically conditioned to be annoying. Oddly enough, most were. But it was that girl who I met in 2nd grade that essentially ruined the name.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had others play victim to what I'll call "The Name Shame."
Whether it's someone we dated who turned out to be a d-bag or bitch, let's face it. People have ruined names for us. So much so, that when I sit down with my husband one day when we discuss baby names, I'm going to use some serious veto power.

James? Nope.
Can't name our son that.
My ex-boyfriends name was James.
Sarah? Not happening.
I worked with this girl Sarah who stalked me outside the office.

It's a shame but you know the phrase: sometimes you have to create a name for yourself.

Ok, fine. That phrase has no relation to this specific scenario, but maybe the celebs have it right when they name their kids Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow), Bronx (Ashley Simpson), Sunday (Nicole Kidman), and Knox (Brangelina).

Maybe you have your own thoughts on certain names. Maybe from this point on, you will forever associate the name 'Brooke' with someone who's opinionated, sarcastic and maybe even annoying. But one things for sure with representations like Brooke Shields, Brooke Burke and Brooke Burns, I'm OK with my company.

Can you say the same for your name?

Top 3 of the Week: Thoughts on the Oscars

2010-03-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

1) The Martin-Baldwin Hosting Duo
When the Oscars announced there would be not one but TWO hosts this year, some wondered how it would work. The "It's Complicated" co-stars proved that it WAS complicated to make their presence felt in what could have been a more comical presentation. The duo seemed absent at times throughout the show, even though they were able to bounce their jokes off one another at the start. I wonder why the Academy felt compelled to give the open to Neil Patrick Harris though..perhaps he should have done what he has done best, which is host yet another award show. Or perhaps they should have tapped my #2 as host...

2) Ben Still as an Avatar
Every year Ben Stiller delivers the laughs at the Oscars (remember him mocking Joaquin Phoenix after his Letterman interview last year?) Stiller dressed as an Avatar and teased James Cameron, while a fishing rod controlling his tail. Classic. It is moments like this that remind us that the Oscars needed more moments like THIS. The show had two comedians hosting and the jokes were few and far between one technical category after another. With Stiller's spoofing ability, I'd like to see him considered as a host of the Oscars in 2011.

3) The Best and Worst Dressed of the Night
Was it Sarah Jessica Parker who showed up at the Oscars or Carrie Bradshaw? Parker had the most stunning and innovative dress of the night, and I'll be checking any store that sells a knockoff of the creative strap neckline that Chanel designed. Other notable best dressed: Merryl Streep looking stunning in a white long-sleeve gown, and Demi Moore in a strapless peach flowing dress that showcased just how great her 46-year-old body looks. Worst dressed? Sorry J. Lo, I'm not feeling the excess baggage hanging off your side and while I know Sandra Bullock wants to be taken seriously after her 1st Oscar nod, she was trying a little too hard to fit in with a look that appeared a bit off.

Rant of the Week: Weighing in on the Weight Issue

2010-03-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

We all deal with weight fluctuation, and maybe I'm more anal about it than the next person for someone my frame, but it doesn't mean I don't have a right to want to be in the best shape I could be! Listen to my rant!

Top 3 of th Week: What I'll Be Looking For When I'm at Mets Spring Training This Week!

2010-02-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

1) How Jason Bay Fits In
Oddly enough, even Mets owner, Fred Wilpon, called this offseason "torture," as the Mets failed to land a starter like Jason Marquis or Joel Piniero, or the catcher everyone expected them to sign, Bengie Molina. So it's shocking to see everyone, including the team's owner, overlook the acquisition of one of the top free agents on the market, Jason Bay. His bat will definitely help solidify the middle of the order, and we'll see if his clubhouse presence is as great as everyone makes him out to be. But you have to wonder if the team would have been better off spreading the money they paid Bay around to fill other holes (Gary Matthews Jr. and Kelvin Escobar getting you excited?!). GM Omar Minaya is convinced the free agent crop was no better than what they currently have on their roster...hmm..read on...

2) How the Open Competition Plays Out
So Minaya believes the likes of Fernando Nieve, Jonathan Niese or Nelson Figueroa were a better option than a proven vet like Marquis, Piniero, Ben Sheets or Jon Garland. So Mets fans are left to watch how this crop plays out for the 5th starter role. The catching situation just got a little more clearer, as the team signed Rod Barajas, essentially eliminating any competition there would have been in camp. He's a solid defender who's got some pop (17 HRs last year), so the all-of-a-sudden-discount-shopping Mets have some credibility behind the plate. (Josh Thole's not ready for the bigs, and Santos isn't the preferred backstop for pitchers). Angel Pagan and Gary Matthews Jr. will battle it out in center until Beltran comes back, and finally, Daniel Murphy will find the re-acquired Mike Jacobs taking grounders with him at 1st. But it looks like Jerry Manuel already claimed it's Murphy who's got the starting spot.

3) The Mood at Camp
We all know how the Mets season played out last year--too many injuries and too many mishaps on the field to compete. Couple that with the prior two years of September collapses, and you have yourself a sorry Met fan. The team believes that the injury bug is behind them ("Oh, yeah?" says a hobbled Carlos Beltran who will start the year on the DL), but with the return of Jose Reyes and a hopefully rejuvenated David Wright (10 HRs ain't going to cut it in 2010), the Mets should be better than they were last year. But there is no way they're better than the Phillies, who've upgraded with Roy Halladay at the top of the rotation. So while there's optimism that 2009 is behind them, let's see if things fall into place for the Mets to have a chance to compete in 2010!

So yes, I'm one of the few fortunate people who's getting paid to head down to spring training for work. And even if I got paid to write this blog and had to pay to go to spring training, I'd still go!
So with that said, this blog is taking a 2-week hiatus. I promise to come back though, and hopefully come back with a tan.

Have a good one, folks! And don't miss me too much!

Winter Olympics: I Care, But Not Enough to Watch!

2010-02-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to say I love America. And often times I have a hard time picturing growing up and living anywhere else. But because of what this great country has to offer, I am completely indifferent to supporting it and watching the Winter Olympics on television.

Let's watch American Idol or Modern Family, let's go to the gym, let's surf the web, let's go out the movies, let's meet up with friends. There's just too many better alternatives.

I do have to admit the Olympics are interesting, and if I didn't have the attention span of a 5-year-old I could watch an entire curling match. (I can't help but always wonder: how does one get involved in such obscure sports, and how is one satisfied with putting in years of training for that one chance at gold only to blow it by falling slightly or miising a medal by 1 hundreth of a second? I couldn't do it...)

As much as I love to see the entire world come together and compete, I realize I really only love to see it in the summer. There's something about the Summer Olympics that makes it more appealing. Maybe it's the events. Or maybe it's the lack of quality alternate programming.

Thus, I will continue to watch my regularly scheduled shows sans 30 Rock and The Office and flip to NBC between my commercial breaks and continue to go out and be social without any regret that I'm missing something big.

By all means, let's go USA. But God Bless America for giving me something else to do!

Top 3 of the Week: Why It's Ok to be Single on Valentine's Day

2010-02-11T16:01:00.001-08:00

1) It's a stupid holiday anyway, right?
Once upon a time, Hallmark, Russell Stover and 1-800-Flowers got together with a business plan. "How can we collaboratively increase sales?" They asked. "I got it!" said, the same guy who appeared in the famous Got Milk - Oreo commercial [What should we call this cookie--man with stuffed mouth says 'I dunno' which resembles the sound of "Oreo"]. "Why not create Valentine's Day--one day a year where couples should recognize their relationship and love for one another and buy unnecessary gifts and cards!" And so, my friends, the story of Valentine's Day began.

2) Would you rather date someone you don't like?
I'm pretty convinced that each one of us could find anyone to date and be in a relationship if we wanted to. We could be like some people who immediately jumps to someone else once a relationship is over, or, OR...we can be selective, and decide that it's only worth being in a relationship or dating someone that we really care to like. And maybe, just maybe, it's ok to be selective and thus, stay single.

3) The Obligation of Doing Something
God damn it, holidays. Why must you always make people feel like they haveeee to celebrate it. I'm content with writing a blog on Valentine's Day ON Valentine's Day. Maybe that makes me a loser, one might argue. Maybe that makes me confident enough to know I don't have to feel obligated to go to a singles event, I don't have to sulk on my couch eating a tub of ice cream watching romantic comedies, and I don't have to feel sorry for myself. My time will come where I too will give in to this silly holiday and maybe next year instead of blogging, I'll get my unnecessary flowers and chocolates from a guy who's worth my attention :)

Just Google It.

2010-02-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

So if you remember watching the Super Bowl, there was a commercial involving Google. I was thinking about writing a post on Google even before seeing that commercial, but damn Google beat me to the punch. The only way i would have known that they were having a commercial would have been if i just googled it.

Google has ultimately been the go-to site for anyone who has the Internet and needs an answer. In the past I've blogged about how we were able to survive without cell phones but how did we survive without Google?

How did we write a research paper without it?
How did we get details on health concerns we may have?
How did we know what restaurant we wanted to eat at without reading a food review?
And how did we know how to get there?
How did we know what actor we can't think of the name of or how old they really are?
How did we stalk our prospective boyfriends or gitlfriends? (just kidding... or AM I?)

Years ago, the word 'google' meant neologism that refers to a number of unconventional words, phrases, and pronunciations. Today, the phrase 'just google it' implies 'you'll find an answer that simply'. And often times, it's true.

So where WOULD we be without Google?

I guess I'm just going to have to google that to find out!

And just in case you missed the ad...

Touching Moment of the Week!

2010-02-07T20:15:00.000-08:00

Was this not the most precious thing: to see Super Bowl MVP Quarterback Drew Brees holding his son with tears in his eyes after just leading his team to a Super Bowl victory!
ADORABLY TOUCHING!

I should have been rooting for the Saints all along!

Top 3 of the Week: Best Super Bowl Commercials

2010-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

While we all watched what turned out to be a dominating performance by the New Orleans Saints, we also paid attention to the many commercials spots. Here's a list of the best of the night!

1) Snickers Featuring Betty White

2) Doritos - Boy Slaps Man

3) Bud Light's Lighthouse

Rant of the Week: Jersey-Are You-Shore It's Going to Be As Good?

2010-02-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

The Jersey Shore is coming back for a 2nd season, but just HOW MUCH is going to be real this time around? I explain in this week's RANT OF THE WEEK!

Top 3 of the Week: Reasons to Get Excited for the Super Bowl

2010-02-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

1) The Commercials & Half-Time Show
Ok this is where you non-sports fans come in. Count on the heavyweights Geico, E-Trade and Bud Light for some creative and humorous spots. I'm sure we can expect the usual talking animals, babies and celebrity cameos. But the best part about the commercials is the small talk conversation by the water cooler at work the next day. And how about that half-time show? The Who? The Who? That's right. After Janet Jackson's "Nipple-Gate," the NFL is steering clear of any pop stars who might, essentially, take the risk of showing their boob. So for the 3rd year in a row, classic rock has taken the forefront. Hopefully next year the NFL gets it right and takes a risk with someone like Lady Gaga!

2) The Party
Ok im getting fat just thinking about eating on Super Bowl Sunday. Is there anyone in America who is not downing chips and dip, wings, pizza and/or beer that night? Whether your out watching at a bar, attending a Super Bowl party or hosting one, Sunday is definitely not the day to have a salad and sushi. This is close to a 'National Binging Day' as it comes.

3) The Game
Oh yeahhhhh there's a football game right? That's the sentiment for most of America, as millions tune into the big game, but not many are focused on the actual game. Well here's the deal if you care or don't:
The powerhouses of the AFC and NFC, the Colts and Saints advanced (how my Jets came so close!), and both possessing two high-scoring offenses led by Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. You can be sure we'll see a lot of passing and a whole lot of scoring as these two teams may look like a video game on the field. But i also expect the Saints to be outscored by the Colts, as Manning (after all those years of being such a one-dimensional threat) has a solid defense built around him. But if defensive end Dwight Freeney is forced to miss the biggest game of his life due to an ankle injury, the matchup gets a little more even. But I'm still giving the Colts the win 30-24!

Coupons: Some Just Ain't Going To Cut It!

2010-01-28T16:54:00.001-08:00

The other day I was flipping through the Sunday paper while eating my bowl of cereal and drinking my cup of coffee, sitting on my porch surrounded by a white picket fenced house (ok, that last part was fabricated but I couldn't help but paint the ideal picture).

It was when I flipped to the flyers section and took out the coupon booklet did I have a little laugh. We have all probably used coupons at some point in our lives and revel in our savings, but there are some coupons that I cannot understand how they still exist.

Save 35 cents.

35 cents?! When I think of cents, I think of pennies, and when I think of pennies, I think of THIS.

I don't think I'd be compelled to cut out a 35 cent coupon even if I normally BOUGHT the product. For god sakes, 35 cents isn't worth tearing out the coupon only to wonder where the hell to put it, only to forget to use it when and if you do buy it. There's nothing worse than buying something only to realize later you had a coupon for it. (Shame on you for buying ANYTHING at Macy's without one of their daily coupons that can be doubled up with another and then credited with a Macy's card discount even though you don't have one by a friendly cashier).

But I wouldn't even feel compelled to buy a new product for a savings of a mere 35 cents. So I wonder, who is cutting out these coupons enough so that manufacturers are still producing them? I'll tell you who--the grandma's of the world who hit up 6 supermarkets in one day for 35 cents savings in each.

Maybe I'm the fool for not buying into these savings, or maybe I just have to wait until the time comes where I can sense it's worth saving cents.

Sorry Grandma...you know I love you!

Top 3 of the Week: Why It's So Much More Fun To Be a Girl

2010-01-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

1) Shopping for Clothes
For some of us, it can be an overwhelming, but I embrace the plentiful options we have. Besides the obvious skirts and dresses, us ladies have so much more to select from than the men out there. After all, button down shirt, polo shirt, t-shirt, jeans, slacks. What else do you guys have to choose from? I wouldn't call myself a fashionista by any means, but the colors and patterns, the fabric and style that we can choose from makes me realize why girls like shopping so much more than guys.

2) Getting Treated
Ok, whether you agree with old-fashioned chivalry or not, in most cases, men will treat us ladies when we go out. So meeting a guy at a bar who wants to buy us a drink, or having a guy take us out to dinner without us having to open our wallet (even after we offer) is a nice feeling. Even having a door opened for us or having our chair pulled out for us at a restaurant, is a sign that it's nice to have a man take care of some things. Of course we're in charge of the cooking/cleaning if you want to live by old-fashioned standards!

3) Hair and Makeup
While this could easily be quite the process, doing our hair and makeup certainly helps make us ladies look our best. Curly or straight, up or down, angles and layer or short or long, hair helps differentiate our look much more than just the typical cut that guys must succumb to. But I do envy the guy who can throw on a t-shirt and head out for the night, while most girls need at least an hour to do our hair, makeup, and coordinate our outfit with our shoes, bag and jewelry. It's quite the process, but I wouldn't give it up for anything! :)

Rant of the Week: When Exactly Were We Taught Grammar?

2010-01-17T15:41:00.002-08:00

I remember learning literature and reading books in English classes, not how to form a proper sentence. Watch my rant on how no one ever taught us proper grammar growing up!

I Forgot Your Name--Already!

2010-01-17T15:41:00.001-08:00

Hello, my name is Brooke. And you are?

Wait.

Before you answer, know that 9 out of 10 times I'm going to forget your name anyway.

That's right. If I saw you 10 years from now, I can remember we met that one time, that one day. But talk to me an hour from now and I won't be able to recall your name.

Why is that? I'm sure I'm not the only one that suffers from a mild case of short-term memory loss. But I find that there are so many other thoughts that go through my mind when I first meet someone, it's hard to register your name.

Ow, he just broke my hand with that handshake.
I really like her dress.
Is he staring at my boobs?
This is an awkward situation.
Am I making a good impression?
I shouldn't have said that joke.
Why is he already balding when he looks like he's 20?

This could come in handy...

Sure there are tricks we all learn: repeat the name after they say it so it registers (Susan? Hi Susan, I'm Brooke) or give them a nickname (hi John.. Wow your tall, I'm going to call you 'Long John') but it still can be difficult.

But the worst part is that there comes a point, whether it's after a certain amount of interactions, that we can no longer ask you what your name is, we should know by now. But we don't. And therefore must either try to overhear someone else call out their name, or we have to whisper to a friend or coworker to find out.

In the end, I don't think instantly forgetting someones name is a reflection on a persons intelligence, ignorance or significance. It's just something that some like myself need to work on. By the way, my name is Brooke, just in case you forgot...

Top 3 of the Week: Best Jokes from the Leno-O'Brien Debacle

2010-01-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

In light of the disaster that is the late night lineup at NBC, I thought it was fitting to capture the best jokes by all parties involved!

1) "My people are upset. Conan's people are upset. Hey, NBC said it wanted drama at 10:00 -- now they've got it!" –Jay Leno
For those who live under a (30) Rock, NBC thought they were so innovative by tightening their purse strings when they chose to air Leno five times a week at 10pm instead of the costly drama shows that would be in its place instead. Obviously, that did not work out, and with ratings plummeting week by week, they were finally able to admit this idea crashed and burned.

2) "Hosting 'The Tonight Show' has been the fulfillment of a life-long dream for me. And I just want to say to the kids out their watching, you can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too." –Conan O'Brien
Poor Conan. He was stellar in his in previous time slot, as his off-beat humor worked well with the younger crowd. However, it never seemed to pick up steam with the older crowd (he can take SOME solace in that the ratings in the 18-49 demo did slightly improve with him at the helm of The Tonight Show). But Conan was never the same that he was in The Late Show, potentially conforming his humor to please the older crowd. Clearly, it didn't work.

3) "Kev, if we did get canceled, it will give us time to maybe do some traveling. In fact, I understand Fox is beautiful this time of year." -Jay Leno
At this point, Leno isn't going anywhere. In fact, this joke would have worked better for Conan, who is rumored to land at FOX for their 11pm time slot. If NBC learned anything from this debacle, it's to never include a clause in a contract like Conan's that said by year 2009, you WILL be the host of The Tonight Show. For fear of losing their superstar Leno, the 10pm show idea was created. At least in the end, they keep Leno, but it proved to be a costly and embarrassing turn of events in order to do it!

Rant of the Week: Security--What's the Point Sometimes?

2010-01-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jets Can Make the Super Bowl

2010-01-10T13:09:00.001-08:00

1) This Year's Cinderella Story
Ok I know I shouldn't get carried away by the Jets impressive road playoff win versus the Bengals, but I am. Every year in sports there always seems to be that Cinderella story from a team who wasn't expected to make it as far as they did and maybe find themselves winning it all in the end. Even Coach Ryan had his team eliminated from playoff contention after the crushing defeat to the Falcons. So when the Jets came back from the dead with every piece falling their way the day the Colts essentially forfeited their undefeated season to New York, we may look back at that moment and see just how these Jets lived happily ever after and became the Cinderella story of the year.

2) Rex Ryan is the Man
The only thing bigger than Ryan's positive impact and humorous personality is his massive gut. Hiring Rex proved dividends as he has instantly transformed the Jets D into the best in the league. Couple that with guys who love playing for him, as he did snag top linebacker Bart Scott in the offseason from his former team, and Marty Shottenheimer, who said he's had the most fun as the Jets offensive coordinator this year under Ryan. Rex, a far cry from the stoic Eric Mangini, has so far mustered up the right game plan and attitude to get the most out of his Jets. There's no reason to think his defensive plan can't find a way to stifle Philip Rivers next week or Peyton Manning the following, or get his offense to rush past the Ravens in what could become a home playoff game.

3) If Sanchez Plays the Way He Did in His First Playoff Start...
...then the Jets are a scary team. New York has gotten where they're at despite the rookie Sanchez, not because of him. His mistimely interceptions and poor decision-making throughout the season were arguably responsible for most if not all of the Jets losses. But that's expected for a rookie. What isn't expected is the way he played versus the Bengals in the AFC Wildcard Game. If he can stay 'on the mark' (pun intended) like he did vs the Bengals and can complete 80% of his passes again and have a QB rating of 139.4, then you've got to like his chances (unlikely, but still...). But while each opponent will only get tougher for the Jets, Sanchez already proved he's capable of stepping up in a big game. His best game of the season just so happened to be his first career playoff game. Impressive.

The "People's Choice" is a Joke

2010-01-06T19:01:00.001-08:00

So tonight I got excited when I started watching the People's Choice Awards, as it marks the start of the upcoming award season. But every year, I seem to forget why I in fact always START watching this show, but never FINISH watching it, as I remember with each passing minute that this is the award show where apparently its WINNERS ONLY in attendance, nominees need not apply.

The best comedy show on TV is...The Big Bang Theory? Who's voting for this? The CBS employees who chose to hang on to their People's Choice surveys for self-promotion rather than handing it out to the public?

The Best Comedy Movie of the Year is..The Proposal? Well, it makes sense I guess, considering they placed Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock in the front row.

The Best Female in a Comedy is...Sandra Bullock again? Wait a minute..is CBS trying to kill two birds with one stone and not have to hand out a party gift to another celeb? It is at this moment in the show that I decided to blog my anger.

How exactly does this award show work? I mean it's pretty obvious the guaranteed winners are those in attendance. But did CBS send an invite to say, Alec Baldwin, and when he turned it down, did they decide to give the Best Actor in a Comedy award to Steve Carrell instead? If Alec would have said yes, would he have gotten the award? I'm intrigued by how this process works.

I don't know what's more sad. The fact that this show is trying to pass off as legitimate, or the fact that I actually tuned in.

The people have spoken! And the People's Choice goes to...any award show but THIS one!

Top 3 of the Week: New Year's Resolutions That Never Work

2010-01-02T12:42:00.001-08:00

1) Hitting the Gym More

To the routine gym-goer, they hate this time of year. Because gyms around the country are packed with the hefty, overweight and want-to-trim down folks who set a goal of losing their holiday weight or just trimming down, period. But crowded machines who people who don't know how to work them is what January is all about!

2) Quit--Something

Smoking, drinking, eating unhealthy--we all try to tell ourselves we'll break whatever habit we have once the new year starts. And for some, it works. (You may be so unhappy with your job you're even willing to quit that!) For most, like the gym-goers, it lasts a few weeks before we're back to the donuts, recliner and six pack and off the nicotine patch or the diet!

3) Become a Good-Doer

I'm going to give back to charity, get my priorities straight, focus on the important things in life, become more organized, and do one new thing every day. While our intentions are great, our actions are not. If we're lucky, by years end, we will tell ourselves we accomplished our New Year's goal, but by that time, we probably don't even remember what it was!

Out with the Old, In with the New Year!

2009-12-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know I say this every year, but DAMN! This year flew by! How are we already in a new decade?! Wasn't Y2K just yesterday? I don't know what's scarier--the fact that each year flies by or I'm already living in my 4th decade.

But yes, it's time to move past the 2000's and on to the '10s? Is that what we're calling it? How exactly are we referring to this next year--20-10 or 2,010? So much confusion, so little time, as we realize our lives are flying by before we know it!

But depending on how you celebrate the new year, whether its home with board games and Dick Clark (the guys still kickin' isn't he!), out to a fancy dinner with your significant other, or out at a bar with a ridiculous $100 cover (how 'bout that crowded bar that you must force your way to the front to get your watered down open bar drink?), New Year's gives us a chance to reflect on the year that was, and allow us to start fresh once we flip over to our new calendar we bought at a mall kiosk. (I prefer to wait a week and get it half off...)

With each year we get a little older, yes, but we also get wiser, and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we live and learn. We realize what we want and don't want, what makes us happy and what doesn't. Whether it be in relationships or in our jobs, with our friends or family, we learn a lot about ourselves with each passing day, each passing year, and now, damn it, each passing decade!

So with that said, I hope you and I both learned a lot from The Brooke Schneider Show blog, and that you'll stay with me in 20-10..or, 2,010..or...whatever..just stay with us next year!

Top 3 of the Week: The Story of 2009

2009-12-25T13:35:00.000-08:00

As the year comes to a close, I highlight the top 3 rising/falling trends of the year that was!

1) The Fall of an Icon
Not only did the King of Pop's death shake the world, but so too did the death of the squeaky clean image of the King of the Course, Tiger Woods. I don't know what's more hard to believe--that a pop star was popping pills or an athlete slept around when he hit the road, but the end of both was tragic: the death of "The Man in the Mirror" and "the man who should be embarrassed to LOOK in the mirror" not only hit America but the entire globe.

2) The Fall of the Economy
The only reason why this blog was even created was because I had too much time on my hands thanks to being laid off! (And I really do mean thanks, as my career has turned out even better than before). But unfortunately the same cannot be said for those who aren't 24, as my those who are my parents age haven't all found it easy to bounce back. Thanks to the Bernie Madoffs of the world, this was the year that staying in was a common occurrence (see the rise in TV ratings), eating out happened less and less, and career halts, changes and unintended paths were the norm.

3) The Rise of the iPhone
Ok, maybe we all don't have the iPhone now, but I'm pretty sure at some point, we all will. And before you know it, all we're going to have to do is tap the application button on our phone and be able to point at our closet to pick out an outfit for the day, hold it out to our friend and have it start up a conversation for us, and scan a club when we're out to help find our future significant other. It's only a matter of time before we all have iPhones (or at least an iTouch like I own), and eventually start wearing the same silver 1-piece suit and fly our cars through outer space.

Stay tuned for my New Year's post on Thursday!

LAUGH! BUT ONLY IF YOU FIND THIS FUNNY.

2009-12-22T13:25:00.000-08:00

OK, hear me out, because I think this is funny.

But I only want you to laugh if you REALLY find it funny.
Because as you read below, I don't want you to laugh unless you really mean it.
Because let's face it.

How many times have you found yourself laughing--when you didn't really find something funny?

I think we are all put in situations, whether it's with family or friends, at work or at the store or doctor's office, where we've been in conversations where its only polite to laugh at cute anecdotes or pleasant small-talk chats that leave us with that fake smile and that forced laughter.

How about that time when you're listening to someone's conversation but you tend to drift off. Now you're completely lost until the person starts laughing at the end, leaving you no choice but to chuckle and say "that's funny."

What about when you have a conversation with your boss at work, and to just be pleasant and nice, you laugh at what you believe you should be laughing at so you do not offend your superior.

How about that time when someone tells a joke in a large group, and you don't get it. Well, to fit in, we laugh anyway (and pray they don't quiz us on what it means).

We all love to laugh, and do it all the time--somehow managing to laugh with people who we don't even think to be funny. (Seriously--ever go out in a social environment and not find yourself laughing?)

I love to laugh, but I'm going to put my foot down and start having some standards already!

Top 3 of the Week: Movies I Want to See in Theaters Now

2009-12-20T13:55:00.001-08:00

I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the movies (not a big fan, remember? ) but I did mention in the link that I don't normally go when the selection is, well, crappy. But now that Oscar season is on the horizon, I even had a hard time narrowing down the field to the Top 3 movies I not WANT to, but NEED to see now so that I can fully appreciate watching the Oscars in February!

1) Avatar

It took James Cameron 15 years to create his new film Avatar, and considering the guy was behind the mega-classic Titanic, we have to believe this movie is the real deal, right? Well based on intrigue alone, I'd love to see if Cameron's hard work paid off. The film is based on a human who crosses over to an alien world that he must fight to save--a plot that normally doesn't seem to appeal to me. But the new-age technology Cameron used is supposedly worthy of seeing alone, according to the critics, who didn't get a chance to screen the movie before it came out. Guess we're all in the same boat watching it for the first time, so long as that boat isn't the Titanic...

2) Nine

Ah, now this is definitely more my speed. As a fan of musicals and most of the movie musicals, I'm excited to see what's in store for this newest creation and how well this All-Star cast can do (We know Fergie can sing, but what about Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz and the still-stunning Sophia Loren?). Critics were NOT so kind to this film, and even though I'm expecting a weak plot, somehow the musical numbers always find a way to entertain me.

3) Precious

Expect this to be the Little Miss Sunshine of the Oscars. Every year, a low-budget film seems to sweep us away with its real-life subject matter or its satirical take on life (remember Juno?). Precious is a harrowing tale of a teenager who struggles with an abusive childhood and what it takes to overcome it all. Singer Mariah Carey sans makeup and the comedian Monique give Oscar-worthy performances in a movie that is probably anything BUT precious to watch, but definitely worth seeing!

Honorable Mentions: The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock), Up in the Air (George Clooney)

Rant of the Week: Outerspace--Just Think About it...

2009-12-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

Now I admit this post isn't enlightening by any means,
but maybe you find this topic as interesting as I do!

Top 3 of the Week: Why Having a Birthday Isn't the Same as It Used to Be

2009-12-13T12:31:00.000-08:00

1) What's Another Year...
Now I don't want to be Debbie Downer, nor do I really think I've got reason to think my life is almost over, but it's safe to say that after turning 21, it's pretty much all downhill from there. Age is just a number, until you hit the big numbers like 30, 40,50---then we REALLY don't want to be reminded how old we are. We're no longer counting down to when we turn the legal age of 21 anymore, so adding a year to our age really bears no significance other than when people ask us how old we are!

2) Presents? What Presents?!
You know when you were a kid and you'd watch Nickelodeon and utter "Mommy--I want that!" after every commercial? The presents start dwindling in quantity AND value once you get older (gee--thanks for the birthday card WITH NOTHING IN IT!). But it's actually ok. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what I want (just get me a gift card...), and unless there's a pressing need (a new digital camera or maybe a nice coat?), there's nothing I could really use at this age that I haven't already gotten for myself.

3) The Celebration
Ok, FINE. I won't have my 24th birthday at Chucky Cheese. Especially considering, the appropriate way to celebrate a birthday nowadays involves alcohol, I'm pretty sure you can't redeem tickets for tequila there. At this point in time, I don't really care how old I get, nor what gifts I receive, I just want a reason to celebrate and have the people I love sharing it with me. So even if the celebration has changed and doesn't involve a goody bag of candy and toys when you leave, it still a birthday nonetheless!

With that said,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

iPods: Sound Great, But Here's the Problem...

2009-12-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

It was about a month ago when tragedy happened.

I charged my iPod the night before, or so I thought. The morning after, on my commute to work, I turn on my iPod only to find that there was not ONE SONG on there. Apparently I didn't sync it properly.

The result?
One of the most painful commutes of my life.

That's right--a commute with NO MUSIC.

Remember those days? You know, the days before we were able to walk from one place to another, travel on a bus or in a car or subway, and be ok without having those little white headphones stuck in our eardrums?

Today, not having an iPod is like not having a Facebook. It has become the social norm. Whether it's jamming out to Dave Matthews Band, Disney songs, or both (gotta love the Shuffle feature), iPods have defined our generation. We've gotten to the point where if we're by ourself, we can't even shop without music to our ears, where it looks like we're lost if we sit in a cafe by ourselves without thousands of songs at our disposal.

But the sad thing about the iPod is, like the Internet, we completely isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.

Ohh..cute guy over there on the train..but oh..he's wearing an iPod..I shouldn't bother him.

Ohh! That's a friend I know from high school! As I shout her name, she doesn't respond, as I realize she can't even hear me.
She's probably thankful, because I know I'd rather be listening to my iPod than get stuck in a small-talk conversation during my commute!

So as I sat there on the train that day I didn't have music, I felt lost. I was almost tempted to put my earphones in to PRETEND I was listening to music, a true sign I've become used to disconnecting myself from others. Sad, I know. But as I got off the train, and walked on the streets of New York, the sounds of horns beeping and street vendors helped remind me of what the sounds of life is like. In fact, it was almost refreshing.

If only they turned that into a song I can put on my iPod, I'd listen to it again.

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jersey Shore is the Best New Show on TV

2009-12-06T22:35:00.001-08:00

1) It's So Bad, It's Good
You know how you always eat that candy bar when you know it's unhealthy or how you read the tabloids even though you know you should be reading the NY Times. Well I watched the new MTV show, Jersey Shore, last week knowing that it was going to be SO bad, that it just might be enjoyable. And boy, was I right. I often shook my head in disgust and took pity for those on it--yet I couldn't wait for more. Sure, my IQ dropped by the minute, but it all didn't matter when I watched what could very well be the show to sweep the Emmy's this season.

2) The Compelling Cast
Oh no she DIDN'TTTT! Mike, self-proclaimed "The Situation," referring to his six-pack abs, thought he had roomie Sammi "Sweetheart" in the bag, until the buff Ronnie swept her off her feet (and by "swept her off her feet" I mean probably doing a fist-pump at the club that got her hot and heavy). So how will "The Situation" and his ego recover?! And will "Snooki" stay in the house?! Will "Jwoww" cheat on her boyfriend with the wax-for-hair Paulie? But the better question is--WHY DO I CARE!? Read on.

3) I Know People Like This
So if you watched, all of these participants live in the metro area like myself, so watching it makes me reminiscent of the times I'd go out on Long Island and question why I in fact, GO OUT ON LONG ISLAND. Not many girls like "Jwoww" can pull off an outfit like that scarf for a top look AND think they don't look like trash in the process. And not many guys can take pride in their quantity of hair gel. So while the rest of the country might not understand the lives of the guidos and guidettes, I do. And while I try to stay as far away from them as possible, apparently the distance between me and my television is just the right amount :)

*Editor's Note: Brooke does NOT in fact think this show is the best on television. Please sense the sarcasm. Thank you.

I Root for Every NY Team--Yes, It's Possible!

2009-11-29T17:02:00.000-08:00

When I had an interview at MLB.com a few years back, I was asked the question: What team do you root for?" When I responded, "I'm an all-NY fan," the man rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was the first time I realized my battle with my rooting interests and working in sports was going to be a challenge.

To this day working at SNY, a NY sports TV network, I still get heat for being a fan of the Yankees and Mets, Giants and Jets, Knicks and Nets, and if I really cared enough about hockey, Rangers, Islanders and Devils.

But why is it that I can't root for all NY teams?

I'm proud of the area, and I'm not just a follower of these teams. Being a girl who says "I love all the locals" makes me sound like I'm the type of person that roots for UNC because I love the baby blue jerseys. I'm pretty knowledgeable when it comes to sports, and I follow most of the locals (like I said, if I REALLY cared, I'd follow hockey too).

So I know what you're thinking. What do you do when the Yanks play the Mets or the Knicks play the Nets? I root for the team that needs the win more. Who did I root for in the Subway Series in 2000? I rooted for 7 games.

In any other field, most people wouldn't mind my rooting interests, but because I work in sports, I take the heat. So sure, it's a battle I've dealt with all my life and will continue to deal with as I continue my profession in the sports field. But while most people feel compelled to just pick a side, I'm happy I have a total of 9 teams to cheer for, and I'm living proof that it can be done :)

Top 3 of the Week: Why a Jew Like Me Loves Christmas Songs

2009-11-29T10:34:00.000-08:00

So yes, after we have now stuffed down turkey, and Black Friday has come and gone, we are officially in the start of the holiday season, which means listening to the famous tunes we often hear this time of year. But just because I'm Jewish, doesn't mean I can't appreciate it!

1) Because They're ACTUALLY Good Songs
Yes, put aside the religious connotations (if there are any), and we're left with some pretty solid tunes. Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" can be played year-round if you ask me, and other songs are just plain classics. And there are actually plenty of "Christmas" songs that are actually wintery songs--not just about Santa ("Let It Snow" and "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"). And for songs like "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Last Christmas," I'm not really concerned about the lyrics as I am about enjoying the beat of the song!

2) Have you seen our Hanukkah song selection?
If it weren't for Adam Sandler, we'd be left with the Dreidel Song, and that's it. While I think he's due for a new edition, his two versions remain the sole Hanukkah songs that make it to the radio. Now I know we make up about 2% of the country so I'm well aware equal treatment just isn't in the cards, but at least SOME type of selection wouldn't lead me to flip to Christmas songs to begin with if I didn't have to!

3) Because of What it Represents
I always love this time of year--after all, it's my birthday, Hanukkah, and New Year's all squeezed into the same month. So while radio stations continue to play Christmas-centric songs, it only reminds me that the holiday season is upon us. You know, the crazy shoppers at the stores, the lights on trees, the snow on the ground, and the presents we give and receive. So if I like to listen to some Christmas songs while I'm on the road or in my house, so be it. I still love potato ladkas and my chocolate gelt!

Time for Thanksgiving!

2009-11-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving.

I think there is only one word to describe this holiday.

YUM.

This is the day where we give thanks, right? But it's really the day we're thankful for some delicious food. Thanksgiving is the day where you can go for 2nds and 3rds and not feel guilty, the day where you can wear your loose pants and forget about your diet, and the day that all Americans, both Catholic and Jews, can all appreciate together.

But while it's the same day for all of us, we all have our different traditions--but most of it revolves around the meal. Some go for the apple pie, others go for the pumpkin, and most go for both. Some like the stuffing, others can't wait for the cranberry sauce, most can't wait for both.

Some go to the same aun't's house every year, some rotate from mom's side to dad's side, spouse's side or significant others. Some have an annual family football game, and others make sure they never miss the football games on TV. Some wake up to watch the parade while others actually GO to the parade.

Whatever your tradition is, there's one guarantee. Turkey and family. But when you think about it, sadly, though, it's the day of year that most turkeys lose their OWN family. Oh, well.

Bon appetit!

Top 3 of the Week: Celebs Who Get Better With Age

2009-11-20T18:20:00.000-08:00

1) Demi Moore
The 47-year-old Moore gets the title of "Cougar" for marrying her 31-year-old husband Ashton Kutcher, but looking at this picture, can you even tell that Demi is older than Aston? Whether its keeping her body as fit as possible, or styling her hair and clothes to match those in their 20's, Moore DOES NOT look like she is 3 years away from 50. If we all could look like that at 47 (without resorting to plastic surgery or botox...), the world would be a beautiful place.

2) Alec Baldwin
I'm sure I'm not the only girl who's developed a crush on the actor who resurrected his career by playing the smooth-talking Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock. Maybe it's his delivery of lines, or his confidence that is sexy, but Alec Baldwin, who was a movie star for most of his career, has become one of the biggest stars on TV thanks to his appealing charm and wit.

3) Meryl Streep
Now Streep has always been a classy actress, and while she has aged gracefully into her 60's, it isn't her looks that got her on this Top 3. While many actresses in Hollywood complain that the roles for women from age 40 on are non-existent, Streep seems to be the only one getting them. (What was the last big role Diane Keaton, Susan Surandon, Goldie Hawn or Michelle Pfieffer had?) In fact, Meryl is featured with Baldwin in the new movie, "It's Complicated," as both prove there's nothing complicated about aging!

Cops: One of the Most Intimidating Jobs!

2009-11-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Is there anything more intimidating then the power of a cop on the road?

We've all driven down a road and had our hearts stop when we realize there's a cop in the vicinity and we've been going 75 on a 50mph speed zone. Checking our rear-view mirror as our hearts race is a common occurrence, and when we are far enough to know we are safe, a sigh of relief ensues.

I don't care who you are, the President of the United States, Brad Pitt, Elton John or LeBron James, when a cop car pulls over, you are the weak one (ok, fine maybe their notoriety will give then a pass), but the point, is, these police officers have the intimidation just by the power of their jobs!

Rant of the Week: Why You Can't Be Nice in NYC!

2009-11-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Top 3 of the Week: Attractions They Need to Bring Back

2009-11-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

Ironically, all of the following were pretty much lined up back-to-back-to-back back in the day in my hometown, none of which remain. Maybe your hometown wasn't like mine, but it got me thinking that the classic staples of the days of old are no longer around today!

1) Drive-In Movies Theaters
Now this was unfortunately before my time--but WHY are they no longer prevalent today? I haven't done my research to know why they disappeared in the first place, but I'm pretty sure the concept is great. Watch the movie in the privacy of your own car, and to some who found it to be the perfect date, I say "watch" loosely. Sure, there are some Drive-In theaters still around today, but I say modernize them, sell some fun food, and let's bring this baby back!

2) Roller Rinks
Now I might be biased because my Grandpa owned a roller rink (opened the Commack Roller Rink that featured Rosie O'Donnell as an employee!), but roller rinks were a classic hangout spot at night, and there was nothing cooler than circling around the rink in those groovy skates. But while ice skating rinks are still a common activity today, I say melt the ice and bring on the roller blades!

3) Flea Markets
Sure, it's a glorified garage sale, but sometimes you can get lucky with great finds and great bargains. (Yes, this post is a byproduct of my many visits to my grandparents in Boca and our frequent Flea Market trips). I'm not saying it's the preferred method of shopping, but little odds and ends, or even larger purchases can be bought at a bargain basement price. Not to mention, the fun of haggling prices!

MLB Hot Stove Baseball!

2009-11-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

It was about a year ago that I went to a bar and met up with a guy. We started talking about baseball, and I mentioned to him that I love the "Hot Stove" season.

"Hot Stove?" he asked, "What is that?"

"You never heard of 'Hot Stove Baseball?'" I replied.

He shook his head.

I then proceeded to ask the guy next to us if he heard of it. He said no. I then continued on to ask about 5 other guys in the vicinity, NONE of which knew what "Hot Stove Baseball" was. I was shocked. Now I know I know more about baseball than most girls, but I thought that guys in a sports bar would at least be able to match my knowledge!

With that said, "Hot Stove" is the offseason in baseball, when trade rumors and free agent signings take over the backpages and headlines, thus making my favorite sport a year-round enjoyment. But it's easy to enjoy the offseason when you root for the Yanks and Mets, who always seem to be in the mix with the top names in the game. So what should the Yankees and Mets do this offseason?

YANKEES:

Coming off a World Series championship, you've got to believe there's little work to be done for the Bronx Bombers. And coming off an offseason in which the Yanks spent $423 million on three key players: CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, and A.J. Burnett, you have to believe the big spending might take a year off. But keep in mind--this is the Yankees we're talking about.

Andy Pettitte, Johnny Damon and World Series MVP Hideki Matsui are all free agents, and it isn't inconceivable to think that all 3 won't return. (Pettitte most certainly will be back, Damon will probably get higher offers elsewhere but might take a shorter deal to remain, and Matsui might return at a bargain rate if the Yanks are willing to use him for the majority of a rotating DH spot).

But the Yanks are already rumored to be interested in top starter John Lackey and in the mix for Blue Jays ace, Roy Halladay. With $26 million coming off the books with Damon and Matsui's contract, the Yankees can opt to shift that money towards a fourth starter in the rotation. And yes, it is possible that the World Champs will field an even better team in 2010.

METS:

Oh, man. Where do we begin. In a season that couldn't get any worse (not only did they fail to meet expectations, but Mets fans were forced to watch their rival Phillies and Yankees in the World Series), the Mets could use help in just about every area. So GM Omar Minaya will certainly be in the mix on just about every free agent and every potential star available in trades. Top outfielder Matt Holliday could be a great fit with the team, and mixed reports show he's either willing to come to NY or doesn't want any part of it (remember--players use large market teams for leverage).

But holes at catcher, first base (Delgado is probably headed to an AL club where he can DH), left field, and in the starting rotation (who knows what they'll get from Oliver Perez and John Maine next year), the Mets are a MESS. Expect the team to acquire a first baseman, sign a left fielder, and add another arm to the rotation (Roy Halladay is a long-shot but still a possibility).

Minaya has a lot of work ahead of him, but out of all the teams in baseball, the Mets roster will probably look the most different in 2010 compared to 2009.

Rant of the Week: Radio Stations--STOP OVERPLAYING SONGS!

2009-11-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

Top 3 of the Week: How I Work Out Without Going to the Gym

2009-11-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

1) Walk Everywhere
I get a lot of heat for not taking cabs, or choosing to avoid the subway in NYC, but walking is normally my exercise for the day. I love the invigorating feeling of weaving in and out of people to get from place to place. But with a crazy work schedule that requires most of us to sit behind a desk all day, I have to feel like I'm moving around a bit, and walking is my cure!

2) Lift Weights While I Watch TV
I always said that I wish I could tone my arms, and finally I realized all it took was a couple of 5 pound weights. The best part is, that I do it when I'm doing something else productive, which is watching my favorite TV shows. All it takes is for me to get off my lazy butt on the couch. So here a lift, there a lift, everywhere a lift lift--and I'm almost at my goal of getting Kelly Ripa-like arms!

3) Crunches in Bed
Whether its lying in bed in the morning, or at night before I can't fall asleep, doing crunches in bed is the least I can do to reach my goal of perfect abs (um..still a work in progress...). But every little bit counts, and on nights where I'm twisting and turning in bed, I might as well pass the time and do some leg lifts, figure 8s, and crunches before I pass out after a long day of walking in the streets of NY and lifting weights during my shows!

Bubble Vests: Love 'Em But Don't Get 'Em

2009-11-06T09:07:00.000-08:00

Ahh, one of the many fashion trends I love, but must question. I just don't understand bubble vests.

If it is cold enough to wear heavy clothing around your mid-section, isn't it cold enough to cover your arms?

How are you supposed to stay warm when that happens!?

#27! Congrats New York Yankees!

2009-11-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

The Yankees are World Series Champions, but a previous post seemed to be on the money (no pun intended) about other fans reactions to the Bronx Bombers being on top.

CHECK IT OUT!

Rant of the Week: High School Reunions Aren't the Same As They Used to Be

2009-11-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

Based on your feedback, you suggested putting the title of each Rant of the Week within the topic, so, while I thought intrigue was enough for you to click and watch without knowing what it was, I thought wrong. Take a look at the previous Rants of the Weeks if you missed them, and maybe the title's alone will be intriguing enough for you to click!

Previous Rant of the Weeks:
-Sorry--But Looks ARE Important!
-How Do You Believe Horoscopes?!
-Fashion- If It Looks Good--Still Wear It!
-We'reeee Backkkkk!
-Why is "Overachiever" a Bad Thing?
-MLB Trade Deadline Review
-Why Are We OK with Driving with People We Don't Know?
-Premiere of The Rant of the Week!

Top 3 of the Week: Types of People That Bother Me

2009-11-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

1) Flaky People

We all know these kinds. The ones you try to make plans with but they never respond. The ones that tell you one thing when you know they're lying to your face. The ones who say they'll show up to an event but come an hour later. "Oh I never got your text" or "oh, you wanted to meet this Friday? I thought you said next Friday..." Right...While some people acknowledge their flaky ways, others have no idea they're like that!

2) Opinionated People
I have an opinion for you--I can't stand opinionated people. Ever talk to a person that always just happens to be right? No matter what you say, they have something to try to top you. They start a heated debate for no reason, always have to get the last word in, they claim they know best, and quite frankly, even if they do, I can't be bothered. I don't have the energy or care enough normally to be right in situations, but when I encounter opinionated people, sometimes I really do want to put them in their place!

3) People With No Social Awareness

Ever work in an office with someone who shouts rudely, laughs obnoxiously or doesn't know what conversations should stay out of the workplace? What about those act immature at a library, stick their feet out in an aisle in a restaurant, or have a crude sense of humor in front of their significant other's parents? Or what about those people that start conversations with you, without realizing you want no business talking to them, but they won't let you out of the chat? Somehow, someway, people have no awareness of how to act in social settings!

Phillies vs Yankees - World Series Preview

2009-10-27T12:40:00.001-07:00

Ahh...it's good to be back.

That is the sentiment of most Yankees fans, who return to the World Series for the first time since 2003 (yes, it really has been 6 years!). Riding on the heels of ALCS MVP CC Sabathia (2-0, 1.19 ERA) and a relaxed and rejuvenated A-Rod, the Yanks have all the confidence in the world as they seek their 27th championship. But, oh, wait, so do the Phillies, who are eyeing a World Series repeat. The last team to win back-to-back World Series'? Why, it was the Yankees, of course.

So will the Phillies be the new Yankee dynasty? It's hard to tell whether the Phillies remind you of the old Yankees or the current ones. Hard-to-retire slugger? A-Rod, check. Howard, check. Clutch shortstop? Jeter, check. Rollins (whose 2-out 9th inning hit in Game 4 sealed the NLCS), check. A former Indians ace who's lights-out in the postseason? Sabathia, check. Lee, check.

So on paper, and well, on the field too, the Yanks and Phils play the same kind of game, in just about the same kind of park, too. Yankee Stadium and Citizens Bank Park have been launching pads for hitters, so we may see some atypical Home Run Derby-esque ball games, which would make the series even more entertaining to watch.

So who has the edge? Now I can't speak for the Phillies but if you watched the Yanks this season, they have the makings of a championship team. From smacking home runs to playing small ball to pitching shutouts to walk-off wins, this team truly is "special" (one of A-Rod's favorite words), and thus, I'm going with the Yanks in 6.

Like Alicia Keys and Jay-Z says and will say tonight at the stadium,

LET'S HEAR IT FOR
NEWWWW YORKKKKK!

Top 3 of the Week: Why Halloween Isn't What it Used to Be

2009-10-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

1) Oh, Yeah, the Candy
There was a time when the main objective of this holiday was to get AS MUCH CANDY AS POSSIBLE. If Halloween took place on a day during the week, we would race home or to a friend's house in our costumes, only to grab our bags (which later became the much cooler, pillow cases) and stormed our way out in search of hitting up as many houses as possible. My personal favorites--the houses that gave the real-size chocolate candy bars. Least favorite?--bag of pennies (really, people?) And did anyone else empty the candy out at the end and trade with their friends? But as we get older, Halloween is not about the candy at all. Read on.

2) Costumes Serve Different Purpose
Remember the days when dressing like a Teletubby was cool? The only way that's cool for us ladies out there is if you put "Sexy" in front of "Teletubby." The mere thought of a Halloween costume that doesn't make girls look hot defeats the purpose of this very holiday. Halloween is the one time of year when non-skanky girls (and, well, the skanky ones too) can get away with dressing like one. But it's all in good fun, right boys?

3) Where to Go Out?
Just like New Year's, there's always the expectation of having to do something big, and when your activity no longer consists of knocking on your neighbor's doors, one must attend a party, bar or club to fully appreciate the American holiday. And in a place like New York City, there's nothing funnier than seeing a monkey costume chase a banana costume down the streets, or spot a vampire, Cleopatra and Barack Obama costumes on the subway.

Rant of the Week: Sorry--But Looks ARE Important!

2009-10-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

What is the purpose of SPAM Mail!

2009-10-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

What is spam mail, and why do we get it. Seriously--who is sending this stuff out and what is its purpose?

Maybe I'm ignorant, but I'm so baffled by the idea of spam. I'm sorry, but no, I don't want any weight loss pills, I certainly don't have use for a penis enlarger, I'll gracefully decline my winnings of awarded the sum of £950.000.00 GBP,and I'm sorry that you are stuck in Iraq, but I don't know anyone there, and I am not wiring you any money.

Now I get the idea that companies profit off of selling your email to other companies--but because the content of the spam emails received are so beyond anything that any one of us would ever open and consider, that I just DON'T GET IT!

Top 3 of the Week: Movies I Love That No One Else Does

2009-10-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

1) Click
Now I'm not a huge Adam Sandler fan (for every Billy Madison gem there's a Little Nicky flop) but Click somehow seems to capture my interest--mostly because I think the message speaks to all of us workaholics nowadays. Putting all your attention on work forces you to fast foward your life and miss out on what's really important. Ok, maybe there were stupid moments here or there, but because I love the moral of the story, it remains high on my list.

2) Shark Tale
There are a lot of animated movies that have garnered attention for their child-pleasing entertainment and adult-appealing humor--and I think Shark Tale fell off the radar. Maybe it's my odd sense of humor, but between the scenes with the shrimp, the mafia sharks and the financial advising hermit crab, this movie really did crack me up!

3) The First Wives Club
You don't own meeeeee. I must have been a 50-year-old trapped inside a 9-year-old's body when I first saw this movie, but I seriously could watch it over and over again. Maybe its the all-star cast of Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton and Bette Midler, or maybe its the empowering feeling that women can get revenge on their scumbag ex's, but this movie really makes me want to jump into the scene at the end and jump on the tables singing with Goldie, Diane and Bette!

Rant of the Week: How Do You Believe Horoscopes?!

2009-10-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'm Sorry, Kris Allen

2009-10-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Kris Allen,

I would like to send my sincerest apologies to you. Upon what some like myself believed to be a shocking run at the title of "American Idol," I had my doubts that you were worthy, that you could really survive as the artist middle America voted for.

But with your latest hit, "Live Like We're Dying," I feel compelled to owe you an apology. Your tune has a bit of Jason Mraz in it, and if you can continue this trend, you can earn yourself a comparable career.

So when you won and beat the unique Adam Lambert, got passed the feel-good story of Danny Gokey and the talented Alison Iraheta, my expectations were that of gray-haired cooky winner, Taylor Hicks.

But you proved me wrong. Keep up the good work, and best of luck to you,

-Brooke

Top 3 of the Week: Why I I'm Not Sure If I Like Concerts

2009-10-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

Now before you proceed, please note that I've been to plenty of great concerts. Green Day put on a stellar show, Adele is flawless live, and even N'Sync entertained back in my teeny bopper days. But because I have the following sentiments, it makes me wonder if I truly enjoy going to concerts like I should.

1) All I Want to Hear Is the Famous Songs

Ok, more times than not, if I splurge on a ticket for a concert, I have to enjoy about 60% of their songs. But regardless, at a venue, all I want to do is hear the famous tune that got me into the artist in the first place, which makes me think I'd have just as much enjoyment playing a song on repeat at home.

2) I Kind of Can't Wait For It to End

A lot of times, I find myself wondering how I'm going to avoid the chaos of leaving a concert, getting through a large crowd, or sitting through an hour of bumper-to-bumper traffic in a parking lot. And if I'm standing on my feet the whole time, well the one thing I can't wait for is to lie down in bed. And what if I'm so far in the back, that I can't even make out their faces on stage? Then I find myself watching the tv screen, thus losing the allure of seeing it live. I know..total Debbie Downer, right?

3) Do They Even Sing Good Live?

Sometimes, I really have to do research on an artist to see if I'm going to get my money's worth when I go to a concert. I can often tell on TV performances that an artist like Duffy (who I loved in concert) can sing great live, while someone like Katy Perry obviously gets some help in the studio. So if I'm not even getting a performance that sounds remotely close to their songs on the radio, then what's the point?

Rant of the Week: Fashion- If It Looks Good--Still Wear It!

2009-10-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Chris Morton for the suggestion!

The Brooke Schneider Show

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Hate Losing Things

Food for Thought: Cereal

I Have a Dream...That One Day...I'll Know What the Hell My Dreams Mean

Top 3 of the Week: Things I'll Have to Get Used to Living on My Own

***BREAKING NEWS******

Top 3 of the Week: Why Apartment Hunting is the Worst Experience Ever

Fist-pump! The Jersey Shore Returns!

Top 3 of the Week: Favorite Bar Food

Dear Brookie!

Who Doesn't LOVE DOING LAUNDRY!!!

Top 3 of the Week: Male Stars Who Aren't As Hot As People Believe

Rant of the Week: Of Course This Kind of Food Tastes Good..

Dear Brookie!

Top 3 of the Week: Why LeBron Choosing the Heat Was the Wrong Choice

Top 3 of the Week: Songs of the Summer

Food for Thought: Lettuce

Top 3 of the Week: Things That Are Illegal That People Do Anyway

Dear Brookie!

When Sarcasm Can Kill!

Top 3 of the Week: Why LeBron James Should Sign with the Knicks

Dear Brookie!

Top 3 of the Week: Types of Dancers

Rant of the Week: Why I Learned I Can't Buy Clothes Online

INTRODUCING....Dear Brookie!!!!

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Hate Driving

Movie Review: Can Never Have Enough Sex..and the City

Top 3 of the Week: Why Every Weekend Should Be a 3-Day Weekend

Top 3: Reasons Why I Love Weddings!!!

Brooke's Best & Worst City to Date

Top 3 of the Week: Shows to Watch This Summer

Rant of the Week: Which "Scientific Study" Do I Believe?!

Why Am I Always So Tired?

Top 3 of the Week: Things We Say But Don't Really Mean

Are you tired of Informercials? Then read this for FREE!

Top 3 of th Week: Annoying Things About Public Transportation

Rant of the Week: Heels are Never Comfortable, Right Ladies?!

Top 3 of th Week: Movies To Look Forward To This Summer

Rant of the Week: Why Are We Foolish and Don't Put Sunscreen On!

Top 3 of the Week: Animals That Freak Me Out!

Drive Thru - The True Sign of American Laziness

Top 3 of the Week: Why You Need to Join the "Glee" Club!

Top 3 of th Week: Things to Think About When Showering

Rant of the Week: Dress to Impress or Dress for Ourselves?

Top 3 of the Week: Annoying Things About Eating Out

Rant of the Week: Fantasy Sports Ain't For Me..

Automated Customer Service: I HATE YOU.

Top 3 of the Week: Actresses Who I Want to Be Friends With

American Idol..more like American Idle

Top 3 of the Week: Why I Will Never Smoke Cigarettes

What I Like to Call: 'The Name Shame'

Top 3 of the Week: Thoughts on the Oscars

Rant of the Week: Weighing in on the Weight Issue

Top 3 of th Week: What I'll Be Looking For When I'm at Mets Spring Training This Week!

Winter Olympics: I Care, But Not Enough to Watch!

Top 3 of the Week: Why It's Ok to be Single on Valentine's Day

Just Google It.

Touching Moment of the Week!

Top 3 of the Week: Best Super Bowl Commercials

Rant of the Week: Jersey-Are You-Shore It's Going to Be As Good?

Top 3 of the Week: Reasons to Get Excited for the Super Bowl

Coupons: Some Just Ain't Going To Cut It!

Top 3 of the Week: Why It's So Much More Fun To Be a Girl

Rant of the Week: When Exactly Were We Taught Grammar?

I Forgot Your Name--Already!

Top 3 of the Week: Best Jokes from the Leno-O'Brien Debacle

Rant of the Week: Security--What's the Point Sometimes?

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jets Can Make the Super Bowl

The "People's Choice" is a Joke

Top 3 of the Week: New Year's Resolutions That Never Work

Out with the Old, In with the New Year!

Top 3 of the Week: The Story of 2009

LAUGH! BUT ONLY IF YOU FIND THIS FUNNY.

Top 3 of the Week: Movies I Want to See in Theaters Now

Rant of the Week: Outerspace--Just Think About it...

Top 3 of the Week: Why Having a Birthday Isn't the Same as It Used to Be

iPods: Sound Great, But Here's the Problem...

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jersey Shore is the Best New Show on TV

I Root for Every NY Team--Yes, It's Possible!

Top 3 of the Week: Why a Jew Like Me Loves Christmas Songs

*BREAKING NEWS****