Ok, so I probably will never go skydiving. I can’t envision ever going bungee jumping or whitewater rafting, and I absolutely hate roller coasters. So I guess someone might look at me and say I’m not adventurous. But ladies and gentleman, I ride in New York City cabs, and that, my friends, is adventurous enough.
Who needs to go pay $30 for a day at Six Flags when all you need to do to get a thrill is hop into a NYC taxi. Weaving in and out of cars, zooming and halting abruptly, getting strikingly close to the adjacent cars, and the startling honking of horns are enough for me to sit in the back seat of the cab with my hands in the air and go “Wheeee!”
Somehow, some way, I think I speak for the majority of people when I say, for the oddest reason—I actually feel safe in a cab. Strangely enough, I feel like these cab drivers know EXACTLY what they are doing. I mean after all, this is their job. And, ok, maybe part of the job requirement isn’t to make their passengers feel like that car ride will be their last ever, but the point is—they get the job done. And they get the job done in the most thrilling way possible.
So what if my life flashes before my eyes when I get from Point A to Point B when I take a cab. I leave that car with my heart racing, and the thrill of saying “that was fun! You want to ride it again?!”
Do you remember when you were back in grade school and you’d take a test, get a 100, and instantly feel “smart?” You might have been in honors classes, you might have scored well on your SATs and gotten yourself into a top college, maybe even an Ivy league.
But now that I really think about it, now that we’re in our careers of choice, what actually makes us smart? There’s no real test to prove our level of brilliance at this point in our lives. And as long as we’re excelling in our job, be it as the best bus boy in town or the most skilled receptionist, then that’s all that really matters, right?
So what really makes us smart? Is it the ability to know and talk about what’s in the New York Times (and complete those challenging crossword puzzles)? Is it knowing how to invest your money? Or is it knowing how to throw in a witty comment in a conversation? (I definitely qualify for this one…) There are all different levels of "smarts" out there. Heck look at the picture above to see.
But I love when people describe me as smart. Really? Because I don’t feel smart when you ask me why I’m a Democrat and not a Republican and the best answer I can give you is that the red donkey looks so much cuter than the blue elephant (Just kidding…I’m not THAT bad…and yes, I DO KNOW it’s the other way around).
If you know the answer to Jeopardy questions like this, then you're smart, right?
The truth it, it doesn’t really matter what is considered “smart” at this point. If you can answer every question on Jeopardy, that’s awesome. If you can find a career that allows you to use your useless Jeopardy trivia, than that’s even MORE awesome. If you were the biggest idiot in high school and college, but somehow know how to turn your $1,200 paycheck into $5,500 after investments and stocks, then maybe you have the last laugh.
The point is I have no idea what constitutes “smart” anymore. Heck, the fact that I’m even writing a post like this—does THAT make me smart?
Ok, seriously, read off all the names to me. Oh, really? You can’t? SHOCKER.
1) Can you Even Read It? How many times have you gotten an autograph from a celebrity or athlete, walk away from the encounter with gleam, and then proceed to look down at the signature with confusion. “What the hell did they just write?” is what you’re thinking, because you can only recognize one letter from the English alphabet. The problem with celebrity autographs is that the bigger the celebrity, the more you’d want an autograph from them, which means the more likely they’re used to just routinely signing their name, which REALLY means they probably don’t even care if they take a pen and doodle initials down that are completely illegible. So if you can’t even read it, what’s the point?
2) How Do you Know It’s Really Them? Ok, if I hold out a napkin with scribble on it and claim I bumped into Brad Pitt that day and he signed it for me, how do you even know if it’s the truth (assuming I don’t have a history of lying)? Now, only a psychotic-obsessed fan would forge a signature and claim it to be the real thing, but without having an official reference book of famous signatures, how would you know it’s really them? I’d rather just take a photograph with a star than ask for their signature, to at least prove that I meant it when I said that I saw Jay Leno! (see below!).
3) And You’re Going to PAY for it Too? Ok, going up to a random star and asking for their John Hancock is one thing, but to PAY for a book signing or framed picture of them with their signature?Now that I just don’t get either. Sure, that validates the authenticity of the damn thing, but if it’s not even personalized, it’s just a mass-produced item that has no real meaning other than “oh, cool, they wrote their name on it.” I’m sorry. I just...don’t…GET IT.
Before I begin, I must apologize to my mother, who will always tell me I never need to notify people of the following. Sorry mom. Pride comes in all shapes and sizes, and I have pride in the following:
I am a bargain shopper.
That’s right. When I enter a clothing store, I do not pass GO. I do not collect $200. I go straight to the sales rack. And if I did collect the $200, I’d definitely get as many quality items as possible for that price.
When I do wear a fashionable item that gets the compliments pouring in, I have to always follow it with “I GOT IT ON SALE!”
Why is that?
Well it’s because I take pride in the ability to look fashionable at, well, the most affordable cost possible. I know I’m not alone, and that most girls feel the same way. (Am I right, ladies? Give me a hell yeah! [HELL YEAH!]) In fact, when girls compliment an outfit and tell me they found their own bargains, I feel like we have a common interest.
But when it comes to spending money on materialistic things, I do have my principles. I don’t care if I won the lottery tomorrow, or money grew on trees, or I married a 73-year-old billionaire (who I claimed “ I loved for who he is on the inside,”), I can never see myself spending hundreds of dollars on a tank-top or thousands of dollars on a basic black dress. That’s just not my style. And I have to say, I do have a decent sense of style—but only at the right price.
So the next time someone comes up to me and tells me they like my new shoes, or my new top, I’m going to let them know if it was on sale, and how much I paid for it. I’m going to be proud of my bargain find, and I’m going to let the world know about it.
1) Because You've Bet Money in Your Office Pool When you work in an office, there’s no greater bonding than work happy hours, office softball teams, and betting on the NCAA Bracket. If anyone should know about working in an office, it’s me! (wait, who am I kidding, I'm unemployed). But—filling out an NCAA bracket at work is as customary as filling out an invoice. So now that you’ve put in the names of teams (random as they may be) in your bracket, you might as well pay attention to the results.
2) Who Doesn't Love to See an Upset or Game Winning Shot In the next few weeks, there will be around 60 college basketball games played, which means two things: there are going to be a lot of close battles, and a lot of heavily favored teams getting upset throughout the tournament. Who wouldn't want to root for the underdog, or see a game-winning half-court shot at the buzzer? Sports are all about unpredictability and while its impossible to watch every single game (even you die-hards can’t watch four games played simultaneously), you’re bound to see some exciting highlights on the news.
3) Um, Hi, BINGHAMTON is PLAYING! Yes, for the first time in, well, ever, Binghamton alumni and students have some athletic pride! (Can you tell I went to Bing?) But baring a miracle, this reason will be short-lived once Duke blows us out in the first round (sorry to admit it). Either way, the tournament style gives small schools across the country like Binghamton, regardless of rank, a chance to “dance.” And for that, today, I am proud to be a Binghamton Bearcat!
With the St. Patrick's Day celebration coming to a close yesterday, I can't help but think one thing.
Where do the bagpipers hibernate for the rest of the year?
Bagpipers in this country are like the groundhog on Groundhog Day. They only come out for one day. But my real question is, how does one get involved with playing the bagpipes? And if so, what the hell do they do with it for the rest of the 364 days in the year?
Have you heard of a bagpipes concert? I haven't. How about a "Special Musical Guest--Bagpipers" at a show? Doesn't ring a bell to me.
What is by far what seems like the coolest and most difficult instrument to play, is certainly played by a ton of people around the country on St. Patrick's Day celebrations.
But it's about the only instrument that is only acceptable one day a year! Why is that!?
Growing up a Yankees fan, the only years I can really recollect are the years that Joe Torre was managing—or as he calls it, “The Yankee Years,” in his new book written by himself and Tom Verducci. I look back at the late 90’s dynasty team and see a manager who had the composure to handle team adversity, the dynamic New York media, and the wrath of The Boss, George Steinbrenner.
But after reading “The Yankee Years” I can’t help but look at Joe Torre as a man who told an organization he worked for to stick it up their @$$ and a man who tattle-taled like a schoolboy at recess about the players he managed.
Let’s say you worked in an office, and your superior was well-respected, did his job to his best abilities and was a likeable guy. Now let’s say he left the position and moved on to a different office job, but in the process, talked smack about what you did that one day at work four years ago, and the fight you and your co-worker had at the Christmas party. And, oh yea, the whole country knew about it.
Well that’s exactly what Torre did.
And as a reader, I couldn’t be more grateful to read about the insider stories about what went on in the clubhouse or front office. “The Yankee Years” goes into great detail on, of course, A-Rod’s obsession with personal perfection, more proof that Clemens is guilty of steroid use, and the trials and tribulations of the Yankees failures in the playoffs since Luis Gonzalez’s bloop hit in 2001.
But while I enjoyed reading "The Yankee Years," I can’t say writing his book was the right thing to do. For a man who was hoisted in the air after his fourth World Series win, who took the Yankees to the playoffs each of the 12 years he managed the team, who won time and time again with no-names with the right character and superstars with the wrong ones, it's truly sad that this book is his final Yankee chapter.
What’s sad about this whole mess, besides the way Torre abruptly left the Yankees after all those great years, is that he’s not going to be welcome back to the Yankee family. Torre didn’t attend the finale game at Yankee Stadium like other Yankee greats, and unless he buys a ticket or the Dodgers play in Interleague play, he’s probably not going to step foot in the new one.
What’s sad is that a manager who was so revered all those years, will be remembered for spilling all the dirt at the expense of his Yankees legacy, just to be on the New York Times Bestsellers list.
I know I certainly struggle with that. It’s almost as if I don’t know what to say to my family when I see them. Anything more than “yeah things are good or, work is work or, (ENTER NAME) and I are doing well” seems to be superfluous. But sometimes you don’t even get to talk to everyone at an outing, and if you do, that one small talk convo seems to suffice. In reality, family functions should operate like speed dating. Just sit everyone down, and give us a minute to talk. You update me on your life cousin, Michael, and I’ll update you on mine. Then we’ll get up and move on to the next. And bam, we hit everyone there and can call it a day.
2) You’re Stuck Sitting With Your Same Family Members
Have you ever gone to a wedding or bar mitzvah or engagement party, and find yourself sitting next to your aunt, sibling or grandma? Is that necessary when these are the people I see all the time anyway? At my wedding, I’m going to randomly pick names out of a hat, and mix things up a bit. My great aunt is going to sit next to my husband’s college friend. My niece is going to sit next to my husband’s father. Talk about getting through some small talk.
3) The Family Gossip
This is the part that I just (wrongfully) love. If someone’s a no-show to an outing, we want to know why. And if they don’t show, we talk smack about them while they’re not there. If someone got pregnant unexpectedly or if this cousin isn’t talking to that cousin, or if that uncle had an affair, we ALL want to talk about it. Ok maybe not ALL of us, but the family drama certainly calls for great entertainment. At least for the gossipers like myself!
With the Top 13 about to sing their heart out on stage this week, I thought it was only fitting to give my predictions for this upcoming season!
Most Likely to Get the Sympathy Vote: Scott MacIntyre
I think this is one time in Scott’s life where he should be thankful he’s blind. Because vocally speaking, he would not have made the top 13 without having inspiring others out there "to continue to pursue their dreams despite their disabilities." That angle is just too enticing for producers to attract more viewers.
Most Likely To Be This Year’s Sanjaya: Anoop Desai
Now vocally, he’s much stronger than Sanjaya, and maybe it’s wrong to compare one Indian to another. But Anoop has a certain appeal to him that most can agree, is kind of like Sanjaya’s. And he can certainly ride the Slumdog Millionaire wave and gain a large fan base through that popularity, and his witty sense of humor.
Contestant Who Simon Loves But I Just Don’t See The Talent: Lil Rounds
Every year, there’s always a contestant that wows the judges, and I’m left confused at whether or not we’re watching the same person. In the past, I would say Fantasia fell under this category, and Lil Rounds is no different. There’s no doubt that the girl can sing, but is her voice unique and does she bring something different to the table? I don’t believe so, but Simon apparently loves her.
Most Likely To Gain Momentum As The Contest Progresses: Matt Giraud
Again, the judge’s comparison to Eliot Yamen is valid when you look at Matt’s talent. His voice is incredibly smooth and soulful, and I can definitely see him making a case for gradually picking up steam throughout and potentially winning it all.
Most Likeable: Danny Gokey
Danny has the whole package in this competition—great vocals, tragic backstory (his wife died right before he tried out), and really likeable demeanor. So there’s no reason not to root for this guy. Something tells me he’s going to be the David Cook of the competition—maybe not the best performance each week, but consistently performing well each time.
Most Unique: Megan Joy
OK, so she has a hippie-style and an arm full of tattoos. That alone might have landed her a ticket into the Top 13, because like Lil Rounds, I do not see the fascination with this girl (At least Lil can actually sing though). The two songs she chose in her previous live performances weren't really hard vocal songs (Put Your Records On and Black Horse & Cherry Tree), so she might struggle to stay in this competition.
Most Likely To Get A Record Deal Regardless: Adam Lambert
Adam doesn’t even have to open his mouth to look like a true rockstar. In fact, I can’t remember anyone on previous seasons of American Idol who looked more ready to be a star than him. One thing I’m not truly sold on is his high-pitched voice, but he does have the chops to sing, and there’s no question he has the look, so he’ll probably gain some notoriety from this Idol gig.
Most Likely To Get Eliminated First: Alexis Grace
Alexis was fortunate to be a part of a weak female group in the first of three rounds of 12, and easily found herself into the Top 13. She probably would have had a hard time making it through in any other group, so I wouldn’t be shocked if she was one of the first to go.
Who I’d Like to See Win It All: Jorge Nunez
How can anyone not find him adorable?! Jorge definitely justifies why the Idol producers made the trip down to Puerto Rico (they only took 8 people from the region), and with his Latin vibe, humble personality, and unique presence in American Idol, I’m rooting for him to win it all—probably because I’d just like to see his reaction when he does!
1) It isn’t a great social outing Scenario A: I go see a movie, buy my ticket, sit in my seat, and for an hour and a half, sit in silence as I watch the giant screen in the dark.
Scenario B: I go see a movie with a friend, buy my ticket, sit in my seat, and for an hour and a half, sit in silence as I watch the giant screen in the dark.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t see a difference between the two, except that I just have someone I know sitting next to me. And don’t even get me started on going on a date to the movies. How are you expected to get to know someone when you can’t even talk! Not a real social thing to do, don’t you think?
2) It’s expensive! When you really think about it, the cost of seeing a movie is actually equivalent to buying a DVD of another movie (heck it might even be cheaper to just buy a DVD!). So why spend upward of $13 for a movie that might not even be entertaining? I will admit, the action-packed movies are great to see on a big screen, but if you just have patience, you can wait a few months and see it at a fraction of the cost when it comes to Netflix or Blockbuster, or HBO (if you’re me, your local library that has it for free!).
3) The selection is mostly crap! Now that Oscar season is over, is it really worth heading to the theaters to check out movies like Hotel for Dogs or The Pink Panther 2? Sure, I will admit that there are some movies that are the talk of the nation, and if you miss seeing it, your bound to feel out of the loop at the water cooler conversations (Slumdog Millionaire anyone?). But more times than not, I’m not convinced that I must rush to see a film that will probably not be to my satisfaction.
So in a nutshell: I’m a tough critic who doesn’t like spending the dough on something that isn’t fun with other people around!
Jason chose Melissa (on right), only to change his mind on TV and pick Molly.
Jason Mesnick--you disappoint me.
Jason, this past Bachelor, bent down on one knee and proposed to Melissa on the final episode. He sent Molly home, and was ready to embark on a life with his new fiancee.
Six weeks later, he gave up and realized he made the wrong choice.
He said he was sorry to Melissa, when he told her on the finale of The Bachelor that he "followed his heart" which was currently leading to his second choice, Molly. He then dumped her on television.
Jason maybe was "following his heart," but he was also "following his contract" which forced this week's After The Rose episode to play out like a real-life soap opera. After Jason dumped Melissa on-air after spending the past six weeks dating her, he found himself kissing his alternative choice, Molly, 20 minutes later after she agreed to give him another chance.
Why couldn't Jason just man up and tell the producers, this isn't right to do to Melissa and his own reputation? Kudos to Melissa for calling him "a bastard." I can't fault the guy for "following his heart" but I certainly do not see him as the perfect man anymore. Getting down on one knee and proposing to a girl without even giving the relationship a chance to make it work isn't fair to your fiancee. And dumping a girl on national TV isn't the most classy turn of events.
But what else should we expect when it comes to reality television. A lot of forced drama for entertainment purposes, which is what happened on Monday--at the expense of a poor girl named Melissa, and a jerk named Jason.
I don’t know about you, but at about 3pm every day, I’m prone to yawning and rubbing my eyes. That’s right. I GET TIRED. And what I need, ladies and gentleman, is a siesta.
Why is it that only the Spanish culture realizes that it is natural for the human body to get tired in the early afternoon? The siesta is a short nap taken in the early afternoon, most often after lunch, and is implemented in many Latin American countries. So why the hell isn’t it in ours!
Instead of ingesting more coffee, I propose this for all of us who share the same feelings: let’s all just take a nap!
The last time it was socially acceptable to nap in public was in kindergarten, and I bet you I even had a little guilt that I wasn’t coloring or building blocks. Because even at an early age, we are trained to be workaholics, and now, probably can’t fathom the thought of even spending a half hour away from our desks for a nap (let alone a lunch break!). But sometimes, we might come back stronger if we’re more rested.
So why not adopt the Spanish tradition, and start taking mid-day naps? If I owned a company, I’d build a break room with pillows and blankets and an alarm clock. By word-of-mouth, it would be the cool company to work for because of what we’d call, “A Nap Break.” I’d imagine the company would be pretty successful just because of that perk alone. (Ok maybe “successful” in “the recruiting of employees sense.” Time would tell if the productivity level was where it needed to be…but that's beside the point..)
So yes, I think that we should all approach our bosses with the proposal of the American siesta. I’d start writing the proposal now, but this post is getting me so tired, I’m going to go take a siesta.
Brooke, a native of Long Island, NY (please don't stereotype!), always loves sharing her opinions on life in the most sarcastic way possible. If you'd like Brooke to discuss anything on this blog, please e-mail her at brookehschneider@gmail.com and her secretary will sort through the tons of fan mail received daily and determine which topics will be presented to her for approval. Thank you.
Do you have questions on dating, health and fitness, career and all things random? Have no one to ask? Well Ask Brookie! No question is off limits! The stupid ones just won't be used.
Email brookehschneider@gmail.com about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. And let's see how this baby works!
