Fist-pump! The Jersey Shore Returns!

I'm sorry. When I think of the MTV cash cow, The Jersey Shore, I can't help but laugh. For a multitude of reasons, this surprising hit has been the talk of the town ever since we were first introduced to the poof and The Situation.

I laugh because I truly wonder if this cast of oven roasted Italians actually thinks that viewers are laughing with them, not at them. They are infamous. Snooki will define this generation of reality TV the same way that Darva Conger did in the late 90s. I can see her picture now on a TV timeline for the late 2000s.


I laugh because these characters that claim to be real can't be serious, right? Gym, tan and laundry. Laundry?! Really?! I just wrote a damn post about how annoying it is and yet The Situation feels it justifies a top 3 activity? Again, you must be kidding, right?

Baby I Like..this song, not the Jersey Shore cast profiting off of it...

I laugh at it all, while shaking my head simultaneously. What bothers me most is that these girls and guys are now making millions over being their stupid, obnoxious selves. Why didn't I invent the damn poof! I could be on my way to millions and have me my juicy men and juicy pickles just like Snooki. Shoulda woulda coulda.



But the truth is, as much as I knock this show, I can't wait to watch the trash that represents my neighboring state. And as much as I know these reality stars live in a warped tan bubble that deserves no praise or attention, I can't help but watch every minute, and laugh at it all.

Top 3 of the Week: Favorite Bar Food

1) Nachos
There is no better bar food that provides the maximum amount of bites great for sharing and a variety of toppings than my guilty pleasure, nachos! I know if I go out for a happy hour with friends, that's all great and fun. But deciding to order nachos is the real excitement of the night--especially when it comes with my favorite, guacamole.


2) Boneless Buffalo Wings
I think I should move to Buffalo. Because every time I see Buffalo on a menu, my eyes and stomach gravitate towards it. With the amount of hot sauce and breading, I may feel like I might go into cardiac arrest. But I love love loveeee spicy food and as sick as I may feel after eating this crap, it tastes so damn good it's worth the pain and extra pounds. But it's definitely not worth eating the actual skin of the wings, which to this day, I can't understand. Hence, I stick with the boneless baby!


3) Sweet Potato Fries
One of the greatest news I heard was that sweet potato is actually healthier than regular potato. JACKPOT. Because this is yet another menu item I can't turn down. Why this isn't offered everywhere regular French fries are sold, I don't know. But I can eat these like they're candy. In fact, if they made a sweet potato candy, I might have to eat it. In fact, if they're going to make anything, it better be Sweet Buffalo Nachos!

Dear Brookie!

Dear Brookie,

Ugh, I am having so many roommate issues I don't even know where to begin. I found her on Craig's List and it's been a nightmare. She leaves her dirty dishes in the sink, definitely eats some of my food without telling, and her guests and her hang out late at night and are so loud. I've tried to get through to her but she still does this. I don't want to break my lease but I'm seriously considering it. What do I do?

The Sarcastic Answer:
Dont break the lease. Break her dishes. That way she can't leave them dirty in the sink. And as far as your food, you should really learn to eat out more and stop stocking your fridge. When her guests come over, just start hanging out with them and act purely insane. They'll quickly find another place to hang out. She wants to play dirty with those dishes, you play dirty back, sista.

The Real Answer:
Oh Craigs List..the hits and misses are endless from that site and you clearly have a miss. It's definitely not easy living with a person like that, and often times, these people are the way they are. But you can get through to them if you go about it the right way. I've heard it all: emails, post-it notes, writing on the fog in the mirror, any way you can get their attention while also avoiding confrontation. But there's no better way to get through to your roommate than to sit her down and tell her your thoughts in the most honest way.

Try to instill some ideas for a compromise and remind her that you live in the apartment too and common areas affect both of you. By taking a more sincere approach, you might be able to get through to her. If not, then your living situation and sanity deserve better. Try finding a sublet and get out of that dirty situation!

Want to Ask Brookie a question? Email her at brookehschneider@gmail.com!

Who Doesn't LOVE DOING LAUNDRY!!!

I love doing laundry!!!

I know your first reaction to that statement.

WTF?! Is she serious?

Absolutely not.

Have you ever heard anyone utter that phrase?

I sure haven't. And I sure wouldn't.

I bet you even those laundremat owners are second-guessing their career choices. Because let's be real. What is laundry if not a burden, hassle and complete and utter annoyance.

The true annoyance is when you don't own a washer or dryer, or have it in your building. If you ever played Truth or Dare, schlepping your dirty underwear outside definitely seems more like a dare and than a truth.

But however we do it, we always have a routine. Whether it's throwing everything from the wash directly to the dryer, keeping our whites, towels and linens separate, or just having our moms do it, there is one thing that's consistent: it's a damn burden.



Can''t we just pay someone to do the whole thing for us? Oh wait, a lot of people do. Why? Because being able to turn a dirty bag of clothes into a clean folded stack is worth any cost!

Top 3 of the Week: Male Stars Who Aren't As Hot As People Believe

1) Justin Timberlake
Taking nothing away from how ridiculously talented he is, if I saw a guy who looked like Justin Timberlake on the street, I probably wouldn't feel compelled to turn my head. I was more of a JC fan during my N'SYNC- loving days, and have the poster, key chain and refrigerator magnet to prove it. I even remember arguing with a friend that just based on looks, Rickey Martin at the time was way more cuter than JT. Clearly, I still don't think JT brought sexy back, and clearly I'm attracted to gay men...


2) Johnny Depp
There definitely has to be a mystique or aura about Depp that I'm completely oblivious to, because I don't see how this guy gets the attention from girls as much as he does. I mean he's a great actor be it in his Pirates of the Caribbean role or any of the cooky characters he plays. But with a personality that's a little offbeat and that hair and goatee that make him kind of look like a hobo, he just isn't my type. Sorry, ladies.

3) Derek Jeter
Now this one's painful to admit after all those years of being an avid Jeter fan. But I realized what I loved about him was the intangibles he brings, his personality and what he's meant to the Yankees all these years. Not really his looks--although he does have a great smile and out of all the 3 on the list, he's definitely the best looking. But if you ask me who's better looking: A-Rod or Jeter, I have to say the pretty-green-eyed-pink-lipped Rodriguez. Which tells me that my love for Jeter has dissipated and further proves my point that I need to stop being attracted to douchbags.

Rant of the Week: Of Course This Kind of Food Tastes Good..

Get PUMPED! The Rant of the Week is back and more rusty than ever!! But I'm giving what the people want! This week's topic? You'll have to watch it to find out..

Dear Brookie!

Dear Brooke,

Lately I've been going out a lot with my coworkers for drinks and one particular coworker and I flirt every time we go out. We have gotten closer in the process but no one at work knows. But I've gotten to the point where I really like him and actually want him to ask me out. What should I do?

The Sarcastic Answer:
You should quit. That way you eliminate any potential office romance that's often frowned upon. And it sounds like he could be "the one." So what's more important? Your career or being with the love of your life. I think you should propose to him. If he says no, then it wasn't meant to be.

The Real Answer:
So you like this boy, huh? There's no harm in liking a coworker, so long as you're aware of the risks. Ok. Fine. There is harm. Besides the fear of rejection if you do act on your feelings, there's also that minor problem of seeing him EVERY day after and the office gossip that might ensue.
But if you got more than a playful flirting vibe, you might be on to something.



Do you have a close mutual friend at work? You can use them to help gauge his interest. Or you can take it upon yourself. Any current movie you both might be interested in seeing? Any common food you like? See how he may interact in a non-work related setting and test his interest that way.

Sounds like your not going to be so forward about your feelings towards him. After all, if you were so sure about what to do you wouldn't have asked me! So see how he reacts to these options and if he doesn't give off any signs more than just the flirting you saw when you were out with him (remember the effects of alcohol and the setting you're in) THEN I can tell you maybe it wasn't meant to be.

-Brooke

Want to ask Brookie a question on life, love and the pursuit of happiness? Just email her at brookehschneider@gmail.com!

Top 3 of the Week: Why LeBron Choosing the Heat Was the Wrong Choice

Notice how Wade is in the middle...NOT LeBron...

1) He Just Wants to Win
Those were the words from LeBron James, who claimed he changed his mind (from what team, we don't know) to become the 3-headed monster (2 and a half if you count how tiny Bosh's head is) in Miami. But you see the problem is that when and if he does win with the Heat, it won't be the way Jordan or Kobe won their ring. LeBron took the easy way out to join Wade. He gave up on being the main man, the superstar, the go-to player to sell himself short. And there's no doubt in anyones mind that LeBron better get a championship in Miami otherwise his choice to become a piece of the puzzle and not the centerpiece will forever be questioned.


2) His Brand Took a Hit
Let's look at this conceptually. Already labeled The Three Kings of Bosh, Wade & LeBron and already having superstar Wade as the face of the franchise, where does that leave LeBron in the marketing plans? A-Rod is one of the biggest names on the game but the Yankees aren't his team, it's Jeter's, the captain. Every billboard, ad and promo will undoubtedly include LeBron and Wade and Bosh. So the guy who claims he can't do it alone on the court joins the 1 team in the mix who's got too many big names to promote the team off the court.

3) His Image Took a Hit
It's bad enough this whole LeBron chase, concluded by the unprecented hour-long tv special that had the country screaming "Enough about LeBron already!" And with his controversial choice after this whole 'Courting the King' process, there's a good chance he might be booed just about everywhere except Miami (and with the burning of his Cavs jersey in Cleveland, we can only imagine the reception.) I'd have more respect for him if he chose to remain in Cleveland and add some pieces to a team that was one of the best in the league. Or even join my poor Knicks, who could give him the biggest stage in the world and potential future teammate Carmelo Anthony. But joining Wade's team as Wade's piece to a championship just doesn't make sense.

Top 3 of the Week: Songs of the Summer

1) California Gurls, Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg

I don't think there's any song that epitimizes "summer song" more than the bubble gum pop hit California Gurls. In what appears to be an answer to Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind," Perry proves she's here to stay in the pop world. From "I Kissed a Girl" to "California Gurls" I can only imagine her next hit being "I Kissed a California Gurl."


2) Break Your Heart, Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris

Like Snoop Dogg, I think the only way for Ludacris to hit mainstream radio is to be featured in a song. I mean c'mon. I don't know how many rappers have enough moxie to want to be featured on teeny bopper hits by Jesse McCartney and Justin Bieber. But Ludacris stuck with his own genre and created a smash summer hit with the unknown Taio Cruz.


3) OMG, Usher featuring Will.I.Am

When you take a step back and realize how long Usher has been cranking out hits, it's a pretty crowning achievement that he hasn't faded into oblivion like the Ja Rules of the world. One of my favorites along with "Caught Up" Usher proves to be the most lucrative usher in the world.

Food for Thought: Lettuce

Firstly, I want to say I love salad. And contrary to a male's belief, yes, it is enough food for dinner. But I have a lot of beef with salad, or should I say have a lot of lettuce with salad. But some people don't. Read on for clarification.

It was actually brought to my attention years ago when my brother ordered a dish at a restaurant that came with a salad to start. But my brother doesn't eat "salad," he eats tomatoes, cucumbers and olives. So instead of a typical salad, he asked for that.

What resulted was utter confusion from the waitress. "So wait, you just want tomatoes, cucumbers and olives?" Yes. But according to our salad standards, that doesn't qualify as "salad" because it doesn't contain lettuce.


Sure there are plenty of types of salads. But when where talking about using typical salad ingredients, you know, like carrots, cucumbers, celery, tomatoes, and DON'T include lettuce, well then it becomes an entirely different salad.

If you just cut up lettuce with carrots, you'd call it a salad. If you cut up celery with carrots, you'd call it veggies (or a horse's dinner). Somehow along the way, lettuce equates to a salad and without it, people like that waitress are just left confused.

So next time you eat a salad with lettuce, lett-uce remind you of the consequences.

Yes. I'm that corny.

Next food for thought?

Corn.

Now THAT'S corny.