Rant of the Week: When Exactly Were We Taught Grammar?

I remember learning literature and reading books in English classes, not how to form a proper sentence. Watch my rant on how no one ever taught us proper grammar growing up!

I Forgot Your Name--Already!

Hello, my name is Brooke. And you are?

Wait.

Before you answer, know that 9 out of 10 times I'm going to forget your name anyway.

That's right. If I saw you 10 years from now, I can remember we met that one time, that one day. But talk to me an hour from now and I won't be able to recall your name.

Why is that? I'm sure I'm not the only one that suffers from a mild case of short-term memory loss. But I find that there are so many other thoughts that go through my mind when I first meet someone, it's hard to register your name.

Ow, he just broke my hand with that handshake.
I really like her dress.
Is he staring at my boobs?
This is an awkward situation.
Am I making a good impression?
I shouldn't have said that joke.
Why is he already balding when he looks like he's 20?

This could come in handy...

Sure there are tricks we all learn: repeat the name after they say it so it registers (Susan? Hi Susan, I'm Brooke) or give them a nickname (hi John.. Wow your tall, I'm going to call you 'Long John') but it still can be difficult.

But the worst part is that there comes a point, whether it's after a certain amount of interactions, that we can no longer ask you what your name is, we should know by now. But we don't. And therefore must either try to overhear someone else call out their name, or we have to whisper to a friend or coworker to find out.

In the end, I don't think instantly forgetting someones name is a reflection on a persons intelligence, ignorance or significance. It's just something that some like myself need to work on. By the way, my name is Brooke, just in case you forgot...

Top 3 of the Week: Best Jokes from the Leno-O'Brien Debacle

In light of the disaster that is the late night lineup at NBC, I thought it was fitting to capture the best jokes by all parties involved!

1) "My people are upset. Conan's people are upset. Hey, NBC said it wanted drama at 10:00 -- now they've got it!" –Jay Leno
For those who live under a (30) Rock, NBC thought they were so innovative by tightening their purse strings when they chose to air Leno five times a week at 10pm instead of the costly drama shows that would be in its place instead. Obviously, that did not work out, and with ratings plummeting week by week, they were finally able to admit this idea crashed and burned.


2) "Hosting 'The Tonight Show' has been the fulfillment of a life-long dream for me. And I just want to say to the kids out their watching, you can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too." –Conan O'Brien
Poor Conan. He was stellar in his in previous time slot, as his off-beat humor worked well with the younger crowd. However, it never seemed to pick up steam with the older crowd (he can take SOME solace in that the ratings in the 18-49 demo did slightly improve with him at the helm of The Tonight Show). But Conan was never the same that he was in The Late Show, potentially conforming his humor to please the older crowd. Clearly, it didn't work.



3) "Kev, if we did get canceled, it will give us time to maybe do some traveling. In fact, I understand Fox is beautiful this time of year." -Jay Leno
At this point, Leno isn't going anywhere. In fact, this joke would have worked better for Conan, who is rumored to land at FOX for their 11pm time slot. If NBC learned anything from this debacle, it's to never include a clause in a contract like Conan's that said by year 2009, you WILL be the host of The Tonight Show. For fear of losing their superstar Leno, the 10pm show idea was created. At least in the end, they keep Leno, but it proved to be a costly and embarrassing turn of events in order to do it!

Rant of the Week: Security--What's the Point Sometimes?

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jets Can Make the Super Bowl

1) This Year's Cinderella Story
Ok I know I shouldn't get carried away by the Jets impressive road playoff win versus the Bengals, but I am. Every year in sports there always seems to be that Cinderella story from a team who wasn't expected to make it as far as they did and maybe find themselves winning it all in the end. Even Coach Ryan had his team eliminated from playoff contention after the crushing defeat to the Falcons. So when the Jets came back from the dead with every piece falling their way the day the Colts essentially forfeited their undefeated season to New York, we may look back at that moment and see just how these Jets lived happily ever after and became the Cinderella story of the year.


2) Rex Ryan is the Man
The only thing bigger than Ryan's positive impact and humorous personality is his massive gut. Hiring Rex proved dividends as he has instantly transformed the Jets D into the best in the league. Couple that with guys who love playing for him, as he did snag top linebacker Bart Scott in the offseason from his former team, and Marty Shottenheimer, who said he's had the most fun as the Jets offensive coordinator this year under Ryan. Rex, a far cry from the stoic Eric Mangini, has so far mustered up the right game plan and attitude to get the most out of his Jets. There's no reason to think his defensive plan can't find a way to stifle Philip Rivers next week or Peyton Manning the following, or get his offense to rush past the Ravens in what could become a home playoff game.



3) If Sanchez Plays the Way He Did in His First Playoff Start...
...then the Jets are a scary team. New York has gotten where they're at despite the rookie Sanchez, not because of him. His mistimely interceptions and poor decision-making throughout the season were arguably responsible for most if not all of the Jets losses. But that's expected for a rookie. What isn't expected is the way he played versus the Bengals in the AFC Wildcard Game. If he can stay 'on the mark' (pun intended) like he did vs the Bengals and can complete 80% of his passes again and have a QB rating of 139.4, then you've got to like his chances (unlikely, but still...). But while each opponent will only get tougher for the Jets, Sanchez already proved he's capable of stepping up in a big game. His best game of the season just so happened to be his first career playoff game. Impressive.

The "People's Choice" is a Joke

So tonight I got excited when I started watching the People's Choice Awards, as it marks the start of the upcoming award season. But every year, I seem to forget why I in fact always START watching this show, but never FINISH watching it, as I remember with each passing minute that this is the award show where apparently its WINNERS ONLY in attendance, nominees need not apply.

The best comedy show on TV is...The Big Bang Theory? Who's voting for this? The CBS employees who chose to hang on to their People's Choice surveys for self-promotion rather than handing it out to the public?

The Best Comedy Movie of the Year is..The Proposal? Well, it makes sense I guess, considering they placed Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock in the front row.

The Best Female in a Comedy is...Sandra Bullock again? Wait a minute..is CBS trying to kill two birds with one stone and not have to hand out a party gift to another celeb? It is at this moment in the show that I decided to blog my anger.

How exactly does this award show work? I mean it's pretty obvious the guaranteed winners are those in attendance. But did CBS send an invite to say, Alec Baldwin, and when he turned it down, did they decide to give the Best Actor in a Comedy award to Steve Carrell instead? If Alec would have said yes, would he have gotten the award? I'm intrigued by how this process works.

I don't know what's more sad. The fact that this show is trying to pass off as legitimate, or the fact that I actually tuned in.

The people have spoken! And the People's Choice goes to...any award show but THIS one!

Top 3 of the Week: New Year's Resolutions That Never Work

1) Hitting the Gym More

To the routine gym-goer, they hate this time of year. Because gyms around the country are packed with the hefty, overweight and want-to-trim down folks who set a goal of losing their holiday weight or just trimming down, period. But crowded machines who people who don't know how to work them is what January is all about!

2) Quit--Something

Smoking, drinking, eating unhealthy--we all try to tell ourselves we'll break whatever habit we have once the new year starts. And for some, it works. (You may be so unhappy with your job you're even willing to quit that!) For most, like the gym-goers, it lasts a few weeks before we're back to the donuts, recliner and six pack and off the nicotine patch or the diet!

3) Become a Good-Doer

I'm going to give back to charity, get my priorities straight, focus on the important things in life, become more organized, and do one new thing every day. While our intentions are great, our actions are not. If we're lucky, by years end, we will tell ourselves we accomplished our New Year's goal, but by that time, we probably don't even remember what it was!

Out with the Old, In with the New Year!

Ok, I know I say this every year, but DAMN! This year flew by! How are we already in a new decade?! Wasn't Y2K just yesterday? I don't know what's scarier--the fact that each year flies by or I'm already living in my 4th decade.

But yes, it's time to move past the 2000's and on to the '10s? Is that what we're calling it? How exactly are we referring to this next year--20-10 or 2,010? So much confusion, so little time, as we realize our lives are flying by before we know it!

But depending on how you celebrate the new year, whether its home with board games and Dick Clark (the guys still kickin' isn't he!), out to a fancy dinner with your significant other, or out at a bar with a ridiculous $100 cover (how 'bout that crowded bar that you must force your way to the front to get your watered down open bar drink?), New Year's gives us a chance to reflect on the year that was, and allow us to start fresh once we flip over to our new calendar we bought at a mall kiosk. (I prefer to wait a week and get it half off...)

With each year we get a little older, yes, but we also get wiser, and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we live and learn. We realize what we want and don't want, what makes us happy and what doesn't. Whether it be in relationships or in our jobs, with our friends or family, we learn a lot about ourselves with each passing day, each passing year, and now, damn it, each passing decade!

So with that said, I hope you and I both learned a lot from The Brooke Schneider Show blog, and that you'll stay with me in 20-10..or, 2,010..or...whatever..just stay with us next year!

Top 3 of the Week: The Story of 2009

As the year comes to a close, I highlight the top 3 rising/falling trends of the year that was!

1) The Fall of an Icon
Not only did the King of Pop's death shake the world, but so too did the death of the squeaky clean image of the King of the Course, Tiger Woods. I don't know what's more hard to believe--that a pop star was popping pills or an athlete slept around when he hit the road, but the end of both was tragic: the death of "The Man in the Mirror" and "the man who should be embarrassed to LOOK in the mirror" not only hit America but the entire globe.



2) The Fall of the Economy
The only reason why this blog was even created was because I had too much time on my hands thanks to being laid off! (And I really do mean thanks, as my career has turned out even better than before). But unfortunately the same cannot be said for those who aren't 24, as my those who are my parents age haven't all found it easy to bounce back. Thanks to the Bernie Madoffs of the world, this was the year that staying in was a common occurrence (see the rise in TV ratings), eating out happened less and less, and career halts, changes and unintended paths were the norm.



3) The Rise of the iPhone
Ok, maybe we all don't have the iPhone now, but I'm pretty sure at some point, we all will. And before you know it, all we're going to have to do is tap the application button on our phone and be able to point at our closet to pick out an outfit for the day, hold it out to our friend and have it start up a conversation for us, and scan a club when we're out to help find our future significant other. It's only a matter of time before we all have iPhones (or at least an iTouch like I own), and eventually start wearing the same silver 1-piece suit and fly our cars through outer space.

Stay tuned for my New Year's post on Thursday!

LAUGH! BUT ONLY IF YOU FIND THIS FUNNY.

OK, hear me out, because I think this is funny.

But I only want you to laugh if you REALLY find it funny.
Because as you read below, I don't want you to laugh unless you really mean it.
Because let's face it.

How many times have you found yourself laughing--when you didn't really find something funny?

I think we are all put in situations, whether it's with family or friends, at work or at the store or doctor's office, where we've been in conversations where its only polite to laugh at cute anecdotes or pleasant small-talk chats that leave us with that fake smile and that forced laughter.

How about that time when you're listening to someone's conversation but you tend to drift off. Now you're completely lost until the person starts laughing at the end, leaving you no choice but to chuckle and say "that's funny."

What about when you have a conversation with your boss at work, and to just be pleasant and nice, you laugh at what you believe you should be laughing at so you do not offend your superior.

How about that time when someone tells a joke in a large group, and you don't get it. Well, to fit in, we laugh anyway (and pray they don't quiz us on what it means).

We all love to laugh, and do it all the time--somehow managing to laugh with people who we don't even think to be funny. (Seriously--ever go out in a social environment and not find yourself laughing?)

I love to laugh, but I'm going to put my foot down and start having some standards already!

Top 3 of the Week: Movies I Want to See in Theaters Now

I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the movies (not a big fan, remember? ) but I did mention in the link that I don't normally go when the selection is, well, crappy. But now that Oscar season is on the horizon, I even had a hard time narrowing down the field to the Top 3 movies I not WANT to, but NEED to see now so that I can fully appreciate watching the Oscars in February!

1) Avatar

It took James Cameron 15 years to create his new film Avatar, and considering the guy was behind the mega-classic Titanic, we have to believe this movie is the real deal, right? Well based on intrigue alone, I'd love to see if Cameron's hard work paid off. The film is based on a human who crosses over to an alien world that he must fight to save--a plot that normally doesn't seem to appeal to me. But the new-age technology Cameron used is supposedly worthy of seeing alone, according to the critics, who didn't get a chance to screen the movie before it came out. Guess we're all in the same boat watching it for the first time, so long as that boat isn't the Titanic...


2) Nine

Ah, now this is definitely more my speed. As a fan of musicals and most of the movie musicals, I'm excited to see what's in store for this newest creation and how well this All-Star cast can do (We know Fergie can sing, but what about Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz and the still-stunning Sophia Loren?). Critics were NOT so kind to this film, and even though I'm expecting a weak plot, somehow the musical numbers always find a way to entertain me.

3) Precious

Expect this to be the Little Miss Sunshine of the Oscars. Every year, a low-budget film seems to sweep us away with its real-life subject matter or its satirical take on life (remember Juno?). Precious is a harrowing tale of a teenager who struggles with an abusive childhood and what it takes to overcome it all. Singer Mariah Carey sans makeup and the comedian Monique give Oscar-worthy performances in a movie that is probably anything BUT precious to watch, but definitely worth seeing!

Honorable Mentions: The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock), Up in the Air (George Clooney)

Rant of the Week: Outerspace--Just Think About it...

Now I admit this post isn't enlightening by any means,
but maybe you find this topic as interesting as I do!

Top 3 of the Week: Why Having a Birthday Isn't the Same as It Used to Be

1) What's Another Year...
Now I don't want to be Debbie Downer, nor do I really think I've got reason to think my life is almost over, but it's safe to say that after turning 21, it's pretty much all downhill from there. Age is just a number, until you hit the big numbers like 30, 40,50---then we REALLY don't want to be reminded how old we are. We're no longer counting down to when we turn the legal age of 21 anymore, so adding a year to our age really bears no significance other than when people ask us how old we are!


2) Presents? What Presents?!
You know when you were a kid and you'd watch Nickelodeon and utter "Mommy--I want that!" after every commercial? The presents start dwindling in quantity AND value once you get older (gee--thanks for the birthday card WITH NOTHING IN IT!). But it's actually ok. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what I want (just get me a gift card...), and unless there's a pressing need (a new digital camera or maybe a nice coat?), there's nothing I could really use at this age that I haven't already gotten for myself.


3) The Celebration
Ok, FINE. I won't have my 24th birthday at Chucky Cheese. Especially considering, the appropriate way to celebrate a birthday nowadays involves alcohol, I'm pretty sure you can't redeem tickets for tequila there. At this point in time, I don't really care how old I get, nor what gifts I receive, I just want a reason to celebrate and have the people I love sharing it with me. So even if the celebration has changed and doesn't involve a goody bag of candy and toys when you leave, it still a birthday nonetheless!

With that said,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

iPods: Sound Great, But Here's the Problem...

It was about a month ago when tragedy happened.

I charged my iPod the night before, or so I thought. The morning after, on my commute to work, I turn on my iPod only to find that there was not ONE SONG on there. Apparently I didn't sync it properly.

The result?
One of the most painful commutes of my life.

That's right--a commute with NO MUSIC.

Remember those days? You know, the days before we were able to walk from one place to another, travel on a bus or in a car or subway, and be ok without having those little white headphones stuck in our eardrums?


Today, not having an iPod is like not having a Facebook. It has become the social norm. Whether it's jamming out to Dave Matthews Band, Disney songs, or both (gotta love the Shuffle feature), iPods have defined our generation. We've gotten to the point where if we're by ourself, we can't even shop without music to our ears, where it looks like we're lost if we sit in a cafe by ourselves without thousands of songs at our disposal.

But the sad thing about the iPod is, like the Internet, we completely isolate ourselves from the rest of the world.

Ohh..cute guy over there on the train..but oh..he's wearing an iPod..I shouldn't bother him.

Ohh! That's a friend I know from high school! As I shout her name, she doesn't respond, as I realize she can't even hear me.
She's probably thankful, because I know I'd rather be listening to my iPod than get stuck in a small-talk conversation during my commute!

So as I sat there on the train that day I didn't have music, I felt lost. I was almost tempted to put my earphones in to PRETEND I was listening to music, a true sign I've become used to disconnecting myself from others. Sad, I know. But as I got off the train, and walked on the streets of New York, the sounds of horns beeping and street vendors helped remind me of what the sounds of life is like. In fact, it was almost refreshing.

If only they turned that into a song I can put on my iPod, I'd listen to it again.

Top 3 of the Week: Why the Jersey Shore is the Best New Show on TV

1) It's So Bad, It's Good
You know how you always eat that candy bar when you know it's unhealthy or how you read the tabloids even though you know you should be reading the NY Times. Well I watched the new MTV show, Jersey Shore, last week knowing that it was going to be SO bad, that it just might be enjoyable. And boy, was I right. I often shook my head in disgust and took pity for those on it--yet I couldn't wait for more. Sure, my IQ dropped by the minute, but it all didn't matter when I watched what could very well be the show to sweep the Emmy's this season.


2) The Compelling Cast
Oh no she DIDN'TTTT! Mike, self-proclaimed "The Situation," referring to his six-pack abs, thought he had roomie Sammi "Sweetheart" in the bag, until the buff Ronnie swept her off her feet (and by "swept her off her feet" I mean probably doing a fist-pump at the club that got her hot and heavy). So how will "The Situation" and his ego recover?! And will "Snooki" stay in the house?! Will "Jwoww" cheat on her boyfriend with the wax-for-hair Paulie? But the better question is--WHY DO I CARE!? Read on.




3) I Know People Like This
So if you watched, all of these participants live in the metro area like myself, so watching it makes me reminiscent of the times I'd go out on Long Island and question why I in fact, GO OUT ON LONG ISLAND. Not many girls like "Jwoww" can pull off an outfit like that scarf for a top look AND think they don't look like trash in the process. And not many guys can take pride in their quantity of hair gel. So while the rest of the country might not understand the lives of the guidos and guidettes, I do. And while I try to stay as far away from them as possible, apparently the distance between me and my television is just the right amount :)

*Editor's Note: Brooke does NOT in fact think this show is the best on television. Please sense the sarcasm. Thank you.